HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 62, Issue 37, 13 February 1937, Page 11 (Supplement)

HUMOUR

Bobbed! Jobson had just returned from a trip I abroad and was making his report to* his employer. Presently his expensessheet came under review. “What is this largo item!** asked the employer. \. 4 4 That’s my hotel bill, sir." V “Hub! Don't buy any more hotels next time you go a broad.’ 1

Barred Paddy had been given the job of watching the gangway while tHo steamer lay at the quayside and had been told that on pain of dismissal ho was to allow no one aboard. A voice in the night called, “Cornin' aboard! M ‘‘Sure, an* who are you!" asked Paddy. “The Biver Pilot," was the answer. “Weil, I can't help it if you're Pontius Pilate; you're not settin' foot on this ship.’*

A man went into a shop to buy a fountain-pen. The assistant gave him one to try, and he covered several shoots of paper with the words, *‘Tempos Fugit" (“Time Flies"). The assistant offered him another pen. “Perhaps," she said, “you'd like one of these better, Mr Fugit."

Cured 1 A wealthy Canauian engaged an Eng* lush tutor lor his sou. * 4 Take him up into the mountains,' he said, **ond urea*, him of tho habit of using slang." •Til jolly well do that," replied the futor. Two months later the pair returned home. The anxious father rushed up to the tutor for a report. “Did you nave a successful trip!" he asked. “You said a jawful; I'll say we did," was the reply.

Wrong for Once A man bought a packet of cigarettes from Isapcstciii, his regular tobacconist “Isaac," said the customer after the purchase had been completed, “you gave me a bad shilling in my change the other night." “Impossible!" answered the tobacconiat. .“I never took or gave a bad * coin in my life. With my forty years' experience in handling money 1* cau tell'by the touch; instinct, my friend. I suppose you managed to get rid of it? '» “Yea,” w „ tho reply. -IWe Just Jiveu it to you for these c/gaz-tU**"