HUMOUR

Manawatu Times, Volume 62, Issue 19, 23 January 1937, Page 9 (Supplement)

HUMOUR

Secret Ike and Sam were strolling along the street. Passers-by stared at them, because Sam was reading a letter aloud, and Ike had his fingers stuck in Sam 's ears. Their mutual friend, Joe, encountered them and stopped in amazemeut. “Ike,” he asked sharply, “why are you holding Sam's ears shut while he reads a letter aloud?” “The letter,' replied Ike, “is from my sweetheart. I can’t read, and I don’t want him to know what she's saying to me.” «> « Sleepless Nights The Negress was applying for a sef aration order from her husband. “He done said that one night he’ill do me in,” she protested. “Ho has a razor under his pillow; and Ah has a hammer under mine. Well, Ah doan’ mind that. Ah guess it’s the give-and-take of married life. But yo’ see how it is, suh. Neither of us doan' get no sleep.”

Worth a Trial The foreman eyed William thou gainfully. 1 “ ’Ave you over used a pick and shovel before?” he asked. “No,” answered William, 4 ‘but I’m willing to try.” “Do you drink?' “I neither drink nor smoke,’ came the reply. “ ’Ave you got a young lady?” “No, boss,” sighed William. “Well,” said tho foreman, “you’ll be ’andy to collect the tanners for the football sweep.” <§> & •$> “Does that man collect rents here?” “Good Heavens, no!” “Then who is he?” “Him? Oh, he’s the rent collector.”

"What do you charge for a room at this hotel?” “From three to nine ” “Oh, no, I mean fur the whole night. ’*

Different The salesman lost his temper and told tho superintendent to go and boil his head, aud was hauled before tho uianagiug director. JStill wrathful he invited that dignitary to eat coke. The managing director was lunous. “What is this man’s record?” he demanded. He learned that llio man had increased his sales by 300 per cent, during the previous quarter. “Oh!” said the managing director, iu a changed tone. “In that case you had better make your own arrangements, but I shall send out at once for some coke. ”

Mary’s got a splinter in her linger from that firewood you’ve been chopping.” “Well, what about it? Do you expect me to polish the bits with sandpaper before you light the fire with them?”

Old Lady (in aquarium): “Can I get a real live shark here, my man?” Attendant: “W-what for, madam?'* “Well, a neighbour’s cat has been eating my goldfish, and l want to teach 1 •' n I«*son.”