UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

Manawatu Times, Volume V, Issue 169, 26 October 1881, Page 2

UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

BY "MAGGUFFIN." 4. A chiel's nrnang: ye tatin' notes, An' faith he'll prent 'em. In a former contribution I gave you some statistics, as to the value of daily papers m general, and of the self-dubbed Premier of the class m particular. Since I then tbe organ m question has been I sign;<H.sin<! itself. A determined att< mpt j at suicide w>s committed on Tnurday night, and although it was common town talk all day Friday, tnil Mi man arrested m the afternoon of that day, tHc enterprising daily w:<s quife oblivious of the occurr< nee, and ifs accomplished editor was, perhaps, the only person m the town who was m ignorance of tho fact. Forty hours later tbe following somewhat stale information appeared m its columns. We very much regret, to hear that 3Tr. Pawson made an attempt on his life by trying: to hang himself. Domestic trouble led to the act, m which fortunately he did not succeed. It is a pity any sensational accounts of the circumstance have been given publicity to. The last sentence comes well from the Scribe who wrung Mrs. Dykes' heart, by the brutal and untrue statements regarding her husband. The poor woman came to the writer of this article, and wept bitterly >rhen complaining ol the sensational concoction which slandered Mr. Dykes, and made bis affliction an excuse for pandering to the morbid craving for the sensational, at tbe expense of truth and at the sacrifice of his wife's dearest and most sacred feelings. Then, again, who was it made a most unwarrantable attack upon the management of the Prospecting Association, and by his cowardly inuendoes strove to damn what may yet prove to be the saviour of the district? If ever there was a cry of " stop thief" uttered, it appears m the closing sentence allmled to. And, talking of papers m general, and the " Journalist of Repute " m particular, it must be a frighful strain upon tbe orginality of that distinguished Pressman to find daily pabulum, when he has to resort to chronicling his private affairs m order to fill up his columns, as witness the following from last Saturday's issue : — " We desire to pay a meed of praise for the manner m which some very important work m connection with our office was performed. A couple of screws m the handle of our back door, which showed siiru.s of wear, required to be removed, and Mr. Smith, of London, fitted m new onns m first class style, and to our complete satisfaction. The door now opens and shuts with the greatest ease." Magginniss, who has a thirst for knowledge, wishes to know why it was that the work had to be sent out of the town. Is it that it is asserted, no blacksmith m town could undertake the job ? or is it, that no blacksmith m town would undertake it ? I pause for a reply, I have beforro said that genius is con- " fiacd to no rank or walk of life, and that journalism is not the only sphere m which a man can obtain a reputation. Bluff is a most interesting amusement — particularly to the player who wins — but the most complete and successful instance which has come within my knowledge, is one which was related to me by the victim a few days ago. My informant was sitting m his office some little time back, when m rushed a well-known resident with as much haste as if the "bums" were after him, and my friend's office was sanctuary. When he had recovered breath to speak, the visitor, m sn anxious tone, inquired if my friend could give him change for " a five- pun note ?" The merchant replied m the affirmative, and proceeded to hand over the necessary specie ; but when that operation had been successfully performed the silver disappeared m the side-pocket of the applicant, and m lieu of the " flimsy " the changer was informed by the visitor, that " He would give him the £5-note tbe next time he saw him." It is now six weeks since that transaction took place, and although the obliging changer has not received his note, the borrower has not broken his promise, as he has religiously put two blocks between himself and his confiding friend. " Out of the mouths of babes cometh wisdom," and it has fallen to the lot of the cultured Uaucassian to get from the lips of the simple savage one of the finest definitions of " a distinction without a difference " which it is possible to conceive. On the last Court day during the hearing of a case m which a prisoner was charged with stealing a bottle of whiskey, a Maori witness was asked, if when he saw the bottle it was half full ? " No," said the dusky - dodger, with a merry twinkle m his left optic ; " no, but it was about half empty," and thereupon he smote a smile which was childlike and bland, while the audience giggled, and the man of law intimated to the witness that he might go down. A new way to raise the wind. Magginnis, who has been on what he calls a " rooral toor," m a southern county, tells me of a new plan upon which the impecunious bibulous and bibulous impecunious have struck to raise the wind. Under the new regulation the Public Vaccinator is allowed half a crown for tyery adult operated upon, and Mag. says a cute one, with a eye to business made anangements with the village iEsculapius, who holds that position, to allow him a chilling bonus for every patient which he introduces. In pursuance of his new calling, therefore, the ingenious Middleman may be seen at the break of day at the door of the town pub, lying m wait for a thirsty victim, and ready to "run m" to the doctor the unfortunate who is willing to bear — not his head to the stroke —but bis arm to be scalped m consideration of a matutinal "drink " The doctor and publican are doing a roaring business, and a etanger visiting the town m question would imagine it was an invaliding hospital, from the number of dilapitated individuals to be seen wearing their left arms m slings. So the Hon. Richard Oliver has bee^ translated to tbe House of Lords — that Asylum for Aged Females, Played Ou Politicians and Rejected Candidates. A portfolio m the Hall Ministry would appear to have au upas-like effect upoD the holder, and sooaer or later be the cause of his political extinction. The Hon. Fred Whittaker was the first to sneeumb to its poisonous influence, and, like an, ancestor of his, was driven out of Eden for accepting office and tasting of the forbidden fruit. It was meet and fitting the aged and ancient Attorney-General should be relegated to the Archaelogioal Chamber, to be cased with the other antique fossils who sleep m their elevated resting places, but I cannot see what claim the youthful Richard could prefer

sury. As a private member he was a nonentity, and when, as a Minister of the Crewn, he was thrown as a sop to the Empire City of the south, his own constituents felt that the elevation was a farce, his appointment a piece of most egregious folly, and Richard, m the role of Minister, nothing more nor less than a fraud. Sir Boyle Roach, made one speech m the Imperial Parliament, and its record, if not placed m the archives of St. Step' 1 .: ns, has been handed down by tradition, and is embalmed m the memory of the present generation. The Hon. Richard Oliver made one Ministerial Statement, and his utterance has already obtained historic celebrity, and m timos to come when the new Senator has suffered the fate of Cock Robin and fallen from his perch, bis official m: nifesto will be read with at least curiosity, if not with admiration. If any evidt-nce were wanted as to the necessity for sweeping away|the nominated Chamber — that sanctunry for political outcasts anrl refugees, it might be found m the most flagrant manner m which the power vested m the Ministry has be* n prostituted to make place for its rejected supporters.