UNDER THE MICROSCOPE.

Manawatu Times, Volume V, Issue 165, 19 October 1881, Page 2

UNDER THE MICROSCOPE.

r; : BY '/.tyAGGUFFIN.!' 1 j , •'■ A' chiei's' aibans* ye takin' notes, •An ! -faith he'll T>rent""*em; , ,-.;- r-y! .;., .;.;€:,-'. "' f i If there are no wars, there alre rumors of, wars,- and the; conclave .of i Ministers gathered, together a epod distance from '-"•the front!" certainly gives a color to the canard^ if such it be. Thcj members of. the present Government have riot'gOt 1 "their names up for the possession of a superabundance of pluck or 1 courage, and m that/respect the present .Native Minister is said to. ,be the yer.y,,Hnj|therfs of his 1 ' predeceVsor,'Mr. BryceVThV^uilibrium-i of Palraerstonvyas somewhat endangered by the news that the-Hon. Mr. ißollestbW -«hi»d. flown .through the town at dead of night m a r s|)' f ci,il*trainVc/i route to Wel- r lington, f r the Minis'ei ial stampede was^ taken _as_.an indisputable proof: .that _ hostilities, ha,;l a.fi.tnallyr T coninrienced, and the Miuister 'ofDefence had Buduehly' discovered that he waft ! wanted at home : upon .": urgent private iaifaifs?" ' It is s;tid that history repeats Jtpelf,\and th • Ministerial Hegi.'a. ruhinds me forcibly of an episode of the Jacobite -warsiu Ireland. ■ At the Battleof the Boyne, the moment vie o'ry seemed to favor the ■\tilliarai^troops, the -very first' persoir to leave the field and ride for his life to Diiblin was? his Most Gracious Majesty James II." Arrived at the capital, on ascending the stairs of the Castle he was met by Laly Tyrcouriell,. the wife of the •Lord'Lieuten-, ' ant;'; to 'whom .the King, m an excited manner, exclaimed " All , Js, lost, my Lady; all. is lost; .we have lost ! the battle." .Disgusted with; the of the 'Monarch, the peeress,, with the most stinging sarcasm replied^. " Well, if your Majesty has lost the battle ; I see you were determined jto.wjn'thei race.'' Cleverness and ability ; are ' two very estimable qualities, the- ; ; possession o/j which is much to be coveted;; but unfofi' tunately, as everything muiidan'e has ,it« . drawbacks, so like greatness the possessor" has invariably to ! pay ' a father severe . penalty. His' Worship the Lord Mayor of Feildingr.is generally accredited by the 'outside: world with; a conaiderableamountof shrewdness^ hilt Jthat 1 word' will by no means convey the estimate which his burgesses; have v made and* told 'of^hiß'' character. What NapoleoWni], m the 1 , zenith of his mysterious greatness, was ; and Machiaveli ha r s: been, Dduslas Macarthur t«, to the Fathers ofFeild-: ing. When hhre r came ; forward 'for the Mayoral Chair there was no one -found mad enough to. oppose him ; ahd now that he 'sits jn command,.and rules their di-liberVitibns, his prdsence'is a veritable wet blanket placed on the chimney of mnni<ipal eloquence. They votjed him chairman of all committees^ but his eag'e eye/was^too, much; forithem,! and as each meeting lapsed for : want of a quorum, he got isgusted with them, resignedjthe unsought honor, and left them to themselves, ■as God left the JewnV' 1 Should he make a simple suggestion at the weekly meetings,, nine councillor^ bearcls are stroked, nine municipal heads scratched, nlnejelbowk mi Ijjed, and the whple. menH| capacity of the nine members J set 1 1 f o ; ] work Ho > plumb the hidden aim: which; lies-con-icealed m the suggestion". a Should rthe' .Chsirman ai«k." if it be the pleasure of the Council that the minntes.be c-nfrmel," a solemn silence reigns in -the, champer for at least fifteen minutes, and the martyr who throws himself iutb the breach, and lifters the fatal'" Aye," feels that |he has> been an ai 'er and abettor m some hidden villainy, and thereafter there canine no. peace' for him. He (the Chairman) is by { far tob brigh t and powerful a luminary L'for their HmitKl effulgence, and they are, as it were, blinded by the strength of his brilliancy-7-a kind pf'raunicipal Sphynx which they are unable to solve, the watching 6^ whose supposed secret moves absorbs their united time and attention. Meanwhile the business of the Council stands still. The Mayor has been elected to watch the interests of the new borough, but his coadjutors appear to think that their especial mission is to watch him, and it must be freely admitted that they most religiously and heartily perform that duty Ever since the eleotors of Foxton were, made aware of the important fact that J. G. Wilson had resolved to voluntarily undertake tne, position of 'political godfather to the constituency, a most laudable anxiety is exhibited to become possessed of some information concerning ■ their unknown benefactor, and the burn-< ing question of the day is, "Who it'Wii.--sow r ' Now this is too bad on the great J. [ G. W., the representative of seven thous. and acres, the Secretary of Racing and

Judge of the Coursing Clubs, and a pretty plain hint to Bulls that it is not the hub of the universe, and an intimation that the sun which shines so brightly m ■its heavens ranks as a very small star ind'eeif in — at Procter would say — " other worlds than theirs." it was Bulls — or the magnates of that ancient to.ym-r-which roused the political lion from his;liir,^ and^sent him on the war path, but!|Mifcß'B|Boy s hints that those who girde(l^6h|iiß.ajra!or, and cheered him on to smii* t^foe^wrere actuated by similar reasonsfglo those which induced King David of oiako place JSl,ife?J[r29tra.nl^of baJ.tl§Jhe,m.an;:whosemfe he coveted/ f am ashamed to ac.-. knowledge that my Bi lical knowledge whether the royal victim was sacrificed an<l|thefayal|^ize won, but I am yame to|>ropb.esy%tnatahere will be victim m thi^case^andr.-that his houirie majesty wffl^ecf)6ai:-th^ Rangitikei with his .caudal, appendage m- a~Urap condition and f •pendant positionr . \ •■> vexation of spirit S6 Murmured Mr. Forster, ouf^drtbyf r CleEk,pfdthe -£ouri£ *jhen on $i**eturri ' from Fdxton; ne surveyed with -crushed spirit ana arching hearkthe ruiii an.d-jijes- r I ' reigned m bisi i»iaqt.un^ sanctorum," the rr DistrictrrGourt. r WM ftbWas tiack I^^ tfaimnLtTiettaepafluU, he set hirffselfj tocl«ansethe~Augean Stable, and iio*x>his;. idoj wears, [oQeeta^ainifelndVmalgaijbi jl.; ana, ajloyfetf pfrpcacS and quietness, and aa I,a)wayffvUkeLtojput^peTo^pie l 'at iheir ease, and niake'the'm^feelLhapD^Und comforta^le^XdO \noticarej tff menitibn the -fact; that I have been most credibljj infoime'd itKaFtlie tfaWe Lands Court wijl sit again -in— Palraerston^he venue havigg.jbeen , cbanped^frora ©»ton to this town. Hap-" 1 ' p^iMijfgFgif^thorough Christian, and m a nu-ek and fitting «EJpt^^3tilaTnjoe man's meat is another man's poison ; and what will bejdieafh.and, .daggers to 7 hira, wiJhbe-dimes and^dollara ' tditne'pu Wican- s —^|n^ sinner. 1., ° " It is^ somewhat of a c>iucid mcc' that threjel'dutrofdhe four Bonifaies of the^ town have sold out, and I am pleased f tb>' say that^chqJQe and not necessity watfiths^ reason NnfWe^'xshnnge. The fi^st-on-the move waa Mr. Uoombes — who.ETSilJß^t from the-bar to follow a bucolic life. His. place has been ably supplied by Mr. r^who, having many years li eV-' l p^ri6nce iti the Wellington Club, is therefore acjmirabjjr fitted for the management 1 of a famiiy'botd. Mr. Deardsj the late proprietor-©£the Princess Hotel, Tertacei ,End,-baß (lispofted^ hisj^er^st in;itb^ I b«abliiihnn;p.i J ' to^Mv. S'e^nry Bord- r ai^ gerttleriiSh' i; weH-fcnown on the tther s^lej. of the Tararua Ranges, and whose nametiavetlers m the vV jnr.rapa. As is well ;know.tt',o£Mjlta>earJ l s > ll tW proprietor ofi one o^be,Ji;s,t, thdfirst soda. •«wiit'er fri'unnfactories on the Cjoast caud^ his business has' become so extensions fo .necessitate his indi,Yidua> attention ; hence thf Uhaiigl:\ ot Hosr^Batciiefar' itill runs the .Rayul,/hut-in;afkH»>ft'tinie f'tbj@li Soul" . w.ilijbayei fled $ot< gip>n^ be\-ond tWeMaWwatu kivtr,, where hie owns a ' comfortable farm, arid 1 .J.&.B'. "'v^iil be«Hj his own dunghill— a more pleajjins rest-ing-place than that allotted to his Biblical .•namesake./ «T T //. f > „ ■ .■ ' •"' Alfmugh" ; I liaVe'Tioen rnnfirtukliy .hearing.a.Kr.e^. /deal about the benefits .of; ; a* ( - daily •pap' 4;" i iiithertb, I cpnfess,_l. have always bepn sceptical upon thopojnt. ;Hp.weyer, alt. my^doubTis have now flid, I am a thorough tconveriy) and henceforth the ne.jst.asity.fOT a daily dose of; literary pabulum 'wni^hie., one v of the articjes.(pt" '■ faitb/witli : -me.' '" conversion has been brought about by a pern al of anj evening; paper published inr^almeriSton^on Satur'day,"Knt: wfeich shall; jbejnamellM. ■ Lthrre_ Je'arheii 'that'Oonstabie Gillespiej was on the look ont'jforiWißtd f leE[ o watch^ and he was supposed Jo. be-_on-the— track of the missing article. Now, had I not! read mr that turning's?, Tia&s of the the|ft 3 c|f the watcn,; s and, had-J not known that the. missing arficlej had. beempicked up m, the 'a^na^e inHne 'fofenoMToT Satur|da!y/the j'ntprmation.wpuld'hay^bjeeßjinterestingV 'although 5 thV'fatteir ' portiqrf \ wduld H bie. .har.dly, reUanlei^/Fheaggain, m the same " dkily" and jsime' issue', I read th'atjMri Russell had retired from the F.oxtotvco^. • test m favbribfDiir pud "the item of intelligence was garnished i Syitn', J ' "/The course adopted exhibitedj a J wis^ discretion', as l Mr?'R"usself h'ad'f.t; asgbost^ ; pf a show.!'. .Although*' tl'VKad srtme five hours previously read , t in „the Foxtonrpapera 1 puKlic- 'statement 'signed by Dr.^ E^ckßtrow,thas hb, had^etijded injfavor o J " Mr. ijusselK I was prepared toj believe that that announcement"wa"s"tn6or'reQ^ I .fQr i e it only^appeared'ju a tri- weekly, wh\lejthe< very opposite- was asserted iv the oTiji^p^- " daily .^VHow^er the worthy j^pcto^; arrived^is||ythe^4«on train and b^foVe an; hour, his retirjernent was known t-o-eye^, one m /.^y^i^it'^ruthfnl Jeames gf jt&e , '' dailj'i^^QU^tHiiß i^ why I have transferred my^ailißgrance frpm hi- weeklies tp^ t " fl^ilie^l — ttffc- latter -a^re so reiiajble and ,-.-i l^idry^ej'.el heap.tife§ s^j^ of the bog with the lively imagination, wfco asserteil - LtKatKe )had <^eii\lo,6;6^ : &f.s j^ther. djto!^ !getherronojnig.ht r »[fQnl'tfiej%o*f itf |t Ahcd. i.Wheri >a doiiht^if^^iro^nPmMro the 1 ac'.caracy tefittfi jnk\&ttiki? |e kuociceil,^ ; i an.;o,=.but itiswt?d ?ujl| '1000: ■ Finding his audience stii!' :l sce J pftua!. ( .-a second; and t|jen a .third was sacrinced, untirthe feJinerTgathering had narrowed i down to reiiV^ur as the incredulous cro,wd still withheld beli f, -,the ijj\aginative l-chronicjer: wouuJ & up wrthT li Well, I'll swear that our cat^and another weV. there.". The anecdote is brouwht'jto mv - mi ad'iby^ reading a shpposeil official staff-, ment m a pertain j-iurhil thai 1 its' circulatioafofthV' month was 19,000 f will not treat /the author of that reUab.le r statistic quite ,HOjbadly. ,\a8 r the\ftatn<-r**of' ' the ' cat ' story , was ... treated,; but if the thousands were reduced to hundreds, it would be nearer the mark, T rarely yen ture to bet— -never, unless' f ; am' snre to" win— -still I am> game to wager ai fiver that the circulation,. of thp journal n;(erred tois not by any means like, half of that I'amount for the month, and let the proprietor's own book* decide the het. j