UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

Manawatu Times, Volume III, Issue 37, 19 March 1879, Page 2

UNDER THE MICROSCOPE

"A chiel's amang ye teikuv notes, An* faith he'll prenfc 'em."

Mount-morris is minute m person but mighty m mind, and were an estimate of his great importance to be taken /by the grandeur of his carriage or the volume of his voice, to the unitiated he would easily pass for the Lord High Chancellor: A few mornings since he was gracefully descending the stairs of his hotel, when he. beheld a bevy of ladies enter the door, and loo'k about, with the air of strangers to the establishment. Baking quickly, he. struck £ grceful •po.'-e, and stared vacantly at the ladies. Judge of his diamav, when instead of letting her gaze rest upon the graceful attitude, one of them politely requested to be shown to a room. Ingratitude most ba*e ; insult most unbearable ! Quickly drawing himself up to almost five feet, and stroking the place whore the moustache ought to be, the injured youth replied, "Madam, Lam wof the landlord ; and, filaJam, I am not the waiter," stalked from the scene with astride worthy of a man six feet high.

Who is Colonel Brett? Is; he tho game Hon. James Di Ben?.i Brett, whose delightful twaddle m the " Lords" casts a ray of sunshine "over the sombre pages-'of Hansard ? "Hitherto i have always looked upon that, aged'- party as being merely .drivelliugly senile ;. now it appears -he'is rabidly vicious, and requires looking after. Will it be believed that, because an i\nfortunate Constable, who had never seen the aristocratic old fogie before, did not know by intuition that the Hon. VFarr.es Di Retizi .fc-eti, a member of the Legislative Council, and a halfpay colonel m -the" Indian army, was before him, and make him a fitting-salaam, ho was given into cuntody, deprived of his liberty, and forwarded to Christchurch on. a charge of high treason. Such, however, 'is really a fact ; and notwithstanding that this inflated old humbug neit'ier-holds a' commission now, nor anything to intimate that he ever did, according, to this' presumptuous Nabob the servants of this State are expected to discover and bow down to his defunct greatness. The contemptible servility .of, the sergeant who entered such a charge, is a pitiable evidence of the grovelling spirit by which sycophants and toadies are actuated— conduct mora despicable when contrasted, with that of Inspector Hickson, who nuinkly flftt the Constable at liberty. I recoil r»et. hearing of a bishop once who, being m. a public swimming bath, was annoyed by the spluttering and splashing of his neighbor. In a tone of command, not unusual with his Lordship, he bade the splasher desist, but the order, instead of having that effect, made his tormentor proceed the more with the annoyance. At last he confronted the splasher, and addressing hira a tons which wa3 intended to strike awe into the offender, he said, "Do you know. Sir, that I am the BishopjOf Knock-raa-kill-me-cranirie<?" To his horror, he was met with the response, " T don't care a dump, old boy ; but if so, I would advise you when you- go bathe again to have your mitre painted on your — back."- I make the gallant half -pay colonel a present of the bather's advice.

When, future chroniclers proceed to re-, cord the history of the rise and fall of LocalGovernment m Foxton, the theme will aupr ply ample food for the pen of a graphic writer. Its past has been peculiar, its present'is not propitious, and its future— well, its future is beyond the power of most, paople to f oretel. In days gone by, stormy were the battle.?; waged^for a seat at the. Local Board, and it is even recorded m it* annals that two members declared themselves duly elected for, and prepared to take-.possessipil of, the.gasne v seat.. Bu^" a,.

change has come o'er the spirit of the dream," the King has vacated his throne, and with his abdication all glory has departed from the Councils, aud his siicces-aor,-.finds himself a monarch without a ourfc, A few weeks since the Board met; .and , : elected Mr. Crowther as ©hairmau • whereupon, satisfied with their' -labors, Messrs. Liddell and Whyte tendered their resignations, and withdrew, leaving the body without a quorum. To supply the vacancies, official writs were promptly issued, and Thursday last named as the day of election. At the hour of noon, the Returning Officer, Ernest S. Thynne, Eiq., a gentleman, who I believe has been m seme way connected with the old Board, appeared at the Court-House, and the following dialogue ensued : — Mr. Returning Officer. — Has any elector present a candidate to nominate for tho Foxton Local Board ? Mr. Crowteer :— Might I ask, Mr. Returning Officer, if you have . not already received a nomination ? Mr. Returning Officer (with that bland smile and placid politeness for which he is so distinguished). — Certainly, Sir, you may ; and I am happy to be able to inform you that I have not. Mr. Crowther (Searchingly) . — Are you quite sure, Mr. Returning Officer ? Mr. R. O. (still sweetly). — Oh, quite sure, Mr. Crowther. Further interrogations and then explanations revealed the fact that- Mr. Crowther had sont a written momination m to Mr. Thy nue's private office, following out the conditions of the Local Elections Act, 1878. With suave politeness, Mr. Thynne inform frhe gentleman that {inasmuch as the Foxton Board had never been brought under the Locals "Elections Act, 1876, public and oral nomination should take the place of the written and private one. At this information Mr. Crowther seemed rather non-plussed, and the- Returning Officer then looking around asked " If there were any nominations for the Local Board ? " It then appeared that Mr. Crowther had nominated Mr. Easton as a " fit and proper person " and proceeded to again do. so byword of mouth. Mr. Returning Officer. — Very good., Mr. Crowther proposes, and — and— and — who seconds Mr. Easton ? » I There was no response but a moment afterwards Mr. Crother re-appeared leading captive a young gentleman, who entered just m time to hear the inquiry, and respond, " I do." • Mr. Returning Officer. — Very good, Sir. Pray what is your name ? Young Gentleman. — Robinson. Mr. Returning Officer.— Robinson. ! Very good, Sir. But might I ask what. Robinson ? Y. G. — Oh, certainly, Robert Robinson.' Mr. R. O — Robert" Robinson— Robert Robinson — Robert Robinson — (referring to the roll). 'Pray, Sir, are you are an elector? Young Gentleman. — I don't t-hink so. Retubwing Officer. — Quite right, sir. You are uot, consequently I regret to say you are not eligible to nominate or take part m the election. At this stage of the proceedings, when despair sat upon the countenance of Mr. Crowther, — although Mr. Thymic' s countenance was still angelic m its serenity—Captain Robinson appeared upon the scene, and learning the diiSpulty, seconded the nomination of Mr. Easton, and that gentleman, was declared duly elected. Again the presiding officer smole his characteristic smile, as he inquired if any elector had a candidate to proposa to fill the vacancy. At this next stage of the proceedings, Ihak-ava, the Maori Chief, appeared upon the scene, and Mr. -P-urcell proposed him as "a fit -and proper," &c, but it was found that .there was a little hitch m his. eligibilty, inasmuch as he, had not paid his rate:?. So high, however, did the, candidate stand m the estimation of his proposer, that, the latter was fully prepared to make good the | unpaid claim rather than hia protegeshovld. be disbarred. With a cunning which showed | that his admirer had not over-rated bis j. business . capacity, the wily Ihakara gave a seeming consent until the claim, had been liquidated and he m possession of the re-' ceipt, when suddenly changing his mind| ■he declined the meditated honor. ■ In vain* Mr. Pureell pictured ' his position? as > a Rangatira, the faith he had reposed m him, I'fche stake he had paid for him, all urged with an outpouring of Celtic eloquence |- worthy of the great Curran, but it was of no use,. Ihakara - could not be. moved, he, kohored the honcr, pooh-poohed the posi^ tion, but kavai the receiptThis little interlude w^s brought to a close by the dulcet tones of the Returning Officer — who ho doubfc looking after his, fee — again inquiring, "If a second candidate was to' be proposed '?"'. This awakened up Mr. Baker to the necessity of action, so he proposed,- and Mr: Crowther seconded, t!i c nomination of John Frederick Rbekstrow, which Teas Carried win. eon:, and 'Messrs. Easton and Rockstrow were announced las.., duly -elected Commissioners. After ,:&" sigh of relief from Mr. Crowther the. ero.iod dispersed without the . uauaj vote! of, tjha,nks to tiie Returning Officer, which, .considering his .urbanity, was vei j ; : .base ingratitude, .injdeed. One would naturally- suppose, that lafter so much difficulty the Local. Board matters would have been settled for some fci.nte- ■ Such is, howeyer, not to.be- the case, as Mr. Rbckstrow is ..highly indignant that ;he should have been elected to an pfltce'to jfiil which he- had not been asked,' and The repudiates his position as 'a' representative. Fire and water are not a. good amalgam. Dr. .RoelMtrqw and. Mr. Growther. once fought a pitched battle for the honor, of representation. The latter :now presides at this " gay and festive board," so it is not . likely. his quondam opponent -.will bow his head m reverence to his former rival. MAG.GUFFIN.