BRITISH BIRTHS

Manawatu Standard, Volume LVIII, Issue 52, 29 January 1938, Page 12

BRITISH BIRTHS

HUMOUR IN COMMONS. MR A. P. HERBERT’S JIBES. One of the most amusing speeches heard in the British House of Commons for a long time was made recently by Mr A. P. Herbert, the Punch humorist and successful advocate of divorce reform, upon the Population Statistics Bill.

The measure was intended to empower registrars of , births, deaths and marriages to obtain answers to a number of questions bearing upon the fertility of the population. A good deal of objection was taken in the House to questions relating to the issue of previous marriages, the issue of unmarried women and the number of brothers and sisters Of deceased persons and others. The Minister of Health, Sir Kingsley Wood, expressed alarm at the fall in the birth rate, and in justifiation of the questions cited the registration procedure in Australia and New Zealand.

QUERIES TO THE DEAD. Mr Herbert, who represents Oxford University as an Independent, said his main objection to the Bill was the fundamental one that it put the wrong questions to the wrong people. The main question was. Why are there not more babies? and it was addressed to those who had just had a baby and to those who had just passed away. (Loud laughter.) This question slinukl be addressed to those who had not bad a baby and those who wore still alive. Someone — lie thought it was Father Woodlock—said that there were a million married couples without children. If that was true those were the people to whom the Minister sliould address bis question

RANG UP DOMINION OFFICES. Works of reference did not record whether the gentlemen on the front bench had no prospect of having further children. If that were so, it would be deplorable, but what was certain under the Bill was that nobody was going to ask them why. Nobody was even going to ask the Parliamentary Secretary, Mr R. H. Bernays, why he had not even begun. (Laughter.) As for himself, no one was going to ask him about it until lie died. (More laughter.) That was a serious point. Regarding the comparison with the Dominions, Mr Herbert said ‘lie had rung up the offices of all the Australian Agents-General and the High Commissioner for New Zealand. He found that no such questions as those set out in the Bill were specified in either country. He hoped that the House would resent “this insidious advance of bureaucracy.” HUAIORIST’S MEMORANDUM.

Mr Herbert then read the following “memorandum” which, lie said, he had written on tlic subject a year ago:

In 1937 was a rumour going round That income-tax was soon to be 6s in the pound ; The cost bf education every season seemed to 6ivell — And to everyone’s astonishment the population fell.

They pulled down all the houses where 1 the children used to crowd, And built expensive blocks of flats where children weren’t allowed. And if father got a job there-wasn’t i anywhere to dwell— And everybody wondered why tho population fell.

Five - hundred brand new?, motor-cars efich morning rode the roads And flashed about like comets or sat motionless as toads, Whichever course they took they made the public highway? hell— And everybody wondered why the population fell.

The laws were very comical; to bet was voted lax, But your betting was the only thing that nobody would tax; You couldn’t have a wine unless you’d sandwiches as well — And everybody wondered why the population fell.

Great science nobly laboured to J increase the people’s joys, But every new invention semed to add another noise, One was always on the telephone or answering the bell— And everybody wondered why the population fell.

The taverns were controlled by men who didn’t want to drink, The newspapers were run by men who hadn’t time to think, Tlic cinema wns managed by a man who couldn’t spell — And everybody wondered wliy the population fell.

Abroad, to show that everyone was passionate for peace, . AH the children under seven joined the army of police, The babies studied musketry, while mother filled a shell — And everybody wondered why the population fell.

The world, in short, which never was extravagantly sane, Developed ■ all the signs of inflammation of the brain; The past was not encouraging, the future, none could tell— But the Minister still wonders why the population fell.

In spite of much further opposition on non-party lines, the Bill was read a second time by 197 votes to 125.