Ladies' Column. The Etiquette of Mourning.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IX, Issue 7, 6 December 1884, Page 1 (Supplement)

Ladies' Column. The Etiquette of Mourning.

FHO3I THE QUKEN. Tiie inclination of the clay is towards much ahorter periods of mourning than was formerly the ease. We observe that the shorter the periods of mourning are the deeper for the time ia the mourning worn, so that halfmourning, which was at one time a great feature m mourning for aunts, cousins, &0., is now almost abandoned, and only resorted to m longer periods of mourning. The inquiries we so constantly receive show that extreme uncertainty as to what may be termed the proprietiea of mourning prevails, some fp.ncying it neeesuary to wear crape for distant relatives, others not realising that it is indispensable m really deep mourning. Some, too, seem unable to understand that crape, which is the recognised symbol of the deepest mourning, cannot be worn m conjunction with any material which is not also adapted to deep mourning. Thus crape is absolutely inadmissable with velvet, satin, lace, bright or glac6 silks, embroidery, fringe, excepting the special " crape fringe." or, indeed, with anything but mourning silk, paramatta, merino, cashmere, woollen barege or grenadine, or barathea. We must be understood to speak only of the strictly orthodox and necessary periods of mourning and their different degrees. There are very many who cannot afford alway3 to dress with perfect correctness, whether m mourning or out of it, and it is to those who lack the requisite knowledge rather than the means that our remarks must be held to apply. To some, perhaps, the periods named may eeem insufficient. This must, of course, be a matter of individual feeling, and everyone is naturally at liberty to lengthen tho periods at pleasure. But it is an undoubted fact that it is the accepted custom of the day to render all mournings, excepting those of widows, or of parents and children, shorter than they formerly were, and many persons consider this an advantage, as decreasing the weariness and consequent distaste which the old long periods created. It is our part only to indicate clearly the conventional periods required by custom, and the degree of mourning appropriated to each. A widow's mourning is, of course, the deepest, and continued for the longest period. For the first twelve months the dress and mantle must be of parramatta, the skirt of the dress covered with crape, put on m one piece to within an inch of the waist ; sleeves tight to the arm, bodice entirely covered with crape, deep, tight-fitting lawn cuffs with broad hems, and deep lawn collar. The mantle or jacket, of the same material as the dress, is very heavily trimmed with crape. The distinctive widow's cap must be worn for a year ; there are various shapes, anyone of which may be chosen. It is no longer customary to wear it beyond the year, as was formerly frequently done. The bonnet is entirely of crape ;it has a widow's cap tacked inside, and is worn with a crape veil with a deep hem. When the crape on the dress requires renewing, it must be put on precisely as at first until the first nine months have expired, after which, if preferred, it may be put on m two deep tucks, with about an inch space between them. Crape cloth is permissible, and well adapted for a rough or walking dress for the country ; it wears well, and is not very easily distinguishable from crape at a distance. After the expiration of the first year," widow's silk " may be substituted for paramatta ; but it must be heavily trimmed with crape. This is worn for three months, when the crape may be very sensibly lightened, and for the next three months jet passementerie and fringe may be used. At the end of the, six months (eighteen months m all) crape may be left off, and plain black worn for six months. Formerly it was usual to wear half mourning for six months or even a year longer, but this is now seldom done, and two years complete the period of mourning. For the first year, while a widow wears her weeds, she can, of course, accept no invitations ; and it is m the worst possible taste for her to b 9 seen m any place of public resort. After the first year she can, if so disposed, gradually resutiie her place m society. It is usual for the pocket handkerchiefs to have broad black edges, and no jewellery of any kind, with tho exception of jet, can be worn. The mourning of a parent for a child, or of a child for a parent, is the next degree of mourning, and lasts for twelve months. For the first three, parramatta, merino, coburg, woollen grenadine, or some similar material heavily trimmed with crape, usually m two deep tucks, ia worn ; for the next three silk — mourning, that is quite dull, silk, of course — with les3 crape, the latter arranged more ornamentally m plaits, folds, or bouillonnea, is admissible. The crape bonnet may have jet upon it, and the veil may be of net, with a deep crape hem. Linen collars and cuffs cannot be worn with crape. Crope lisse frills are de rigucur. Sable or any other colored fur must be left off ; plain, untrimmed sealskin is admissible, but it never looks well m really deep mourning. After six months crape may be left off, and plain black, with jet ornaments and black gloves, worn for two months. For the next two, black dresses ; with gold or silver, pearl or diamond ornaments, and grey gloves, sewn with black. After this, half-mourning — such as black dresses with white flowers or lace ; white dresses, with black ribbons ; or grey dresses, trimmed with black. There is a very prevalent notion that red is a sort of mourning, and that red llowers or ribbons may be worn with black for slight mourning ; but, though occasionally done, it is not at all good taste. It should always be borne m mind that only jet ornaments are permissable with crape; neither gold, silver, nor precious stones can be worn with it, neither can lace bo m any way intermingled with it. This is a fact which seems to be very imperfectly comprehended. Society must be totally relinquished for two months, and it is m far better taste to avoid balls so long as crape is worn; its appearance m a ball-room is a great incongruity. For grandparents the mourning, which was formerly nine months, is now only six — two m silk and slight crape, two m black, and two m half mourning. For brothers and riistera the mourning, which was formerly six months, is now usually four ; some even curtail it to three,

but this is hardly such good taste. It is more correct to wear crape, which should be tolerably deep, for two months, and plain black for two, than to reserve any of the time for half mourning. For an undo or aunt the period formerly was three months, and slight crape was worn, now six weeks i 3 the orthodox time, and erapo is not required. Now that the time of the raoruing is diminished by one-half, aud crape abolished, black is generally worn the whole time, for the first month with jet, afterwards with gold, silver, pearls, or diamonds; no colored atones. For a great, uncle or aunt five weeks, two m black, three m half mourning. For a first cousin a month, generally the whole time m black. It is now by no .means usual to wear mourning at all for a second cousin ; but if it is done, three weeks are quite sufficient. Relations by marriage are mourned for precisely m the same degree as real ones. Thus a wife wears exactly the same mourning for her husband's relations as she would for her own, and mourns for her sister's husband m the identical amsunt of crapo which she would wear for her sister herself. There are, however, exceptions to this rule. For instance, a lady would mourn for her uncle by marriage for six weeks if his wife (her aunt) were alive ; but if she were dead the mourning for the uncle might be curtailed to a month. These remarks exhaust, we think, ' all the degrees of actual relationship; but there arc a few remarks to be made on " complimentary m®urning." For instance, when ft man has married a second time, his second wife must wear slight morning for three months on the death of the first wife's parents, and for six weeks on the death of her brothers or sisters, it any intimacy has ■been kept up. This is not do rigucur like real mourning for absolute relatives, but it is good taste, and usual m good society. - So also it 13 usual for a mother, whose married son or daughter loses a parent-in-law, to wear black — of course without crape — for one month, and half mourning for another. Besides the actual dress, there are some points of etiquette connected with mourning. Black-edged envelopes and paper must be used. The width known as " extra broad "is the deepest that should ever, be used, even by widows, the •' double broad " being too much. Even for widows the simple " broad " is m better taste than either ; " middle " is the proper width m mourning for parent or child ; " narrow " for brothers or sisters ; "Italian" for all other relatives. Visiting cards are only edged with, black when orape is worn, so black edged cards are not requisite for an uncle or aunt. The edges should be of the same width &% that adopted for the paper. Cards returning thanks for the kind inquiries of those who have either called or sent to inquire, should not be sent out till the mourners feel equal to again receiving visitors ; it is the accepted token o£ their being once more visible. Letters of condolence should be written on paper with a slight black edge, and offence should never be taken if they are left unanswered. Many people consider it correct to wear black on a first visit to a house of mourning, and though this is not absolutely nesessary, it is certainly m better taste to avoid brilliant colours on such an occasion.