The Perfect Lady.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IV, Issue 252, 20 September 1884, Page 5 (Supplement)

The Perfect Lady.

BY THE ATJTHOB OF " ETIQUETTE OF GOOD ' SOCIETY." '

In my introductory remarks on this subject, Ipointed out the importance of every young lady making herself conversant with the manners and usages of society on her entrance within that border-land. Good and perfect manners are acquired by observation, by cultivation, and by practice; the neglect of these observances you will find is seldom pardoned by the world: that censorious 1 autoorirt exacts rigid deference to its opinions, and a strict conformity to its rules. : , It must be owned, even by those who most dislike, the idea of being thus trammelled, that the World and society do a kindly action m being thus punctilious ; for good manners are certainly an embellishment to the possessor of them : they greatly enhance personal charms, and they act as an excellent substitute where Nature has omitted to bestow the muoh-prized gift of beauty. Beauty has its special charm apportioned to itself. Befinement, true politeness, gentleness m speech, gracefulness of action, courtesy and 1 consideration, whioh cluster under the term of " good manners," these also have their peculiar attraction and power of fascination. Beauty, we are told, is "only skin deep," and will fade ; refinement, with its attendants, is indelible, and its attractive powers increase as years pass on. What should the perfect young lady be V and what should she do m her every- day life? , Politeness is a large field m which to range ; < let up«atherand adorn ourselves with some ; of the many flowers which spring up on every 1 side of us. I Politeness requires that we listen to, people I who talk to us, even when we are not inter- ■ ■ ested m their conversation. I sometimes^e young ladies visibly smother a yawn to show their. indifference or distaste, and I hear them merely utter an apathetic " Yes " or "No.*" and sometimes I hear them interrupt the versation rudely by abruptly introducing ! another topic, Politeness requires an attenitije efc£ and mor© than, a tranquil silent ao-

quiescence: it demands that an exertion be made to reply, and that the reply be something beyond mere monosyllables. Politeness requires that we do not Btare at the dress of the person with whom we are talking; I notice that some ladies deliberately scan the attire of those to whom they speak, from the crown of the head downwavds; this is rudeness, and therefore an imperfection. Politeness requires that when m company communications should not be whispered, that tittering and giggling should not ba indulged m, that* remarks should not be made upon any person present, that we should not pass m front of any one without an apology, or talk across any one. Politeness requires that we take no notice of any eccentricity that, may appear m those we meet m company. A recognition of eccentricity or absurdity must not bs shown bj_ words, still les.s by a smile^^QJtentimes_it-ia ! a difficult matter to appear insensible tomistakes which are maie 'or accidents which, happen, especially when they, are of a laughable nature ; but control must be exercised, out of consideration for the feelings of others, if for no other, reason. When an old-fash-ioned hand-shaker keeps prolonged possession of your hand, and from time to time gives it a succession of convulsive shakes ; when a lady walks the- length of a long room unconscious that the wind haa given her a grotesque appearance by. blowing tne ieather m her bonnet rigidly upright ; when the servant trips with a dish m her hand, and. the round cake upon it rolls off and bowis up the room ; when a page slips and falls on his back, amidst a shower of dinner .rolls scattered around hid prostrate • furmr?jsfhen a manservant throws open the door, and announces you to a room-full of ordinary folks as " Lady Baldiohinas," and your' Bimple title is " Miss Baldwin ; " when your friend's servant blackleads your boots, thus giving them an unusually, curious and startling appearance as you send them forth from beneath your dress when walking along the streets : whenever little incidents such as these occur, politeness demands that we neither speak of nor smilo at them at the time of 7 occurrence. Politeness requires that we do not rudely push through a crowd, but that we wait to take our proper turn, whether it be the entrance into hall or public room; railway carriage or omnibus, or irr^a shop.* library, or ticket-office. In public vehicles' and public rooms it often happens thai there is a scarcity of seats for the number of applicants for them. I have constantly seen ladies demand as a right — silently, but yet unmistakably— that some gentleman should yield up his seat, and the coolness with which they treat the kind action, not even troubling themselves to say " Thank you," also disturbs my mind. Polite- ■■ ness demands that a recognition m the form of thanks should be made of politeness received. ' Courtesy requires us to be polite to those who serve us, not to speak domineeringly or rudely to those who we may think are our inferiors m position; courtesy binds us to be courteous to those advanced m years. Gracefulness is another component part of perfection. There is such a thing as sitting still gracefully ; legs and' feet are not to be crossed, hands and fingers are not to fidget and rub each other on their owner's face, dress, or ornaments ; a lounging, lolling attitude cannot be called graceful. The deportment mistress will have taught the graceful style of walking. One charm which is very attractive is that of being natural. "Led by simplicity! divine, She pleased, and never tried to shine." Affectation, of " whatever kind, is really a blemish. Some girls affect to be sharp and smart ; they make ill-natuted and caustic remarks' on their friends and, acquaintances, which amuse their listeners and -raise, their laughter. Some affect to be, nervous and timid.; they utter little shrieks at the sight of a spider, or become helpless when they should be helpful ; it is quite possible to be brave without being bold or masculine. Some, affect eccentricity of dress or behaviour. Affectation will always certainly attract notice, more particularly that of the. opposite sex, who are always ready to be amused at it. But, young ladies, there are two kinds of laughter whioh can be raised by you. If the laugh goes with you, it is pleasant and harmless ; but should it be that men laugh at you, then the case assumes a very different and a disagreeable aspeot. Another mark of a perfect lady is her dress. We have nothing to do with its costliness nor with the fashion of it, beyond the word of warning against the adoption of any marked singularity of style which would make the wearer a gazing-stock ; true modesty and womanliness will shrink from setting itself on this publio pedestal. Our consideration id neatness and cleanliness m dress; these two perfections are frequently .neglected and disregarded by the young lady when she emerges from the schoolroom ; she is then apt to oast impatiently aside needle and thread and orderly habits, as well as her leeson-books, and too often we see sloveliness m attire. / White-headed pins project from black: dresses, and black-headed pins from light-colored dresses, where thread should render the services required. Bagged braid disfigures the edges of skirts; a button is missing here and there from the ranks; creased 'and crumpled cloaks show signs of careless usage ; soiled collars and ouffs, and frills which should be m the fire, often encircle neck and wrisfff All these are small details, hat it is these little details combined which give the general effect of neatness or of slovenliness. Great expenditure of money on dress is not essential to perfection; nicety and neatness of apparel, freshness and purity of lace or muslin ; these are requisites. The perfect young lady will also be as partioular about her dress when at home as when m company. One often hears' it said, "It does not matter what we wear at home ; anything will do." But it does matter. The texture of the dress need not be so expensive or the trimmings so elaborate as that worn m company, but the general aspect should be the same, and the wearer will always be more at ease when she is daily accustomed to be carefully dressed. ■ So far we have discoursed mainly on what the perfect young lady should be ; now we will turn, to what she should do. One of her home duties is to take part m the entertainment of callers, guests* and visi- ' tors. The daughters of the house should help their mother on all occasions, and. take her place without embarrassment when she is absent. When callers arrive, the young lady should come forward and join m the conversation; she : should bestow her attention on those with whom her mother, is not' occupied. This same rule applies to behaviour to invited guests. The daughter of the house is expected to be pleasant and conversable to each and every one, and ready to accede to any expressed wish on their part. Acquiescence to play or sing, or to display any accomplishment, should be given readily ; some young ladies show undue reluctance, and make so: many excuses, and' require so very much pressure and persuasion. In speaking of entertainments of all kinds, I must give a word of advice. It sometimes happens that young ladies are eager to go to them, and yet have n.ot achapcronb for every occasion. It is well to observe a certain amount of delicacy m asking to join others who may be going. If they are particular friends, well and good : but some young ladies do not hesitate to ask this favor of Comparative strangers. We were once surprised by a oall from some young, ladies whom we knew only by name, who came to ask to join our party to a public entertainmect. Thisplaced us m a great dilemma, for they were very imperfect young ladies, who always caused themselves to be talked about, and we did not wish to be,responsible, 01 eyento:be considered as their friends. A young lady whoml-fcnow was anxious this summer to go to a pqblio tennis-ground some miles away, at which there were weekly oontests which she found pleasure m watching. Each week she askeda family near her home to take her ; she took her seat m their carriage, caring nothing for any inconvenience to which she inigh,t ,pufi others, and latterly disregarding the faot that they would

invite her to join them if they wished for her company. They are young ladies who borrow money < from their friends. Now, the safest, and really the happiest, rule is to refrain from buying anything for which we have not the money m hand ; but sometimes an allowance is over-run, and borrowing appears to bfi n necessity. Young ladies sometimes forg ■'■ > do not care, to pay back. No excuse v.i:ii cover over this dereliction ; whatever is bor- . rowed — whether it be money or stamps, whether of great or small value — the strict rule of repayment should be observed. It is easy to slip and slide from one level to another, and I have known cases were young ladies have been utterly regardless about-K*-! payment. The same m »^ w <n«u aoouTTnlls and debts Maon misery is often caused to 3¥Aui*wonien by careless, thoughtless young ladies, who delay giving payment for work done for them.