Fun.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IV, Issue 252, 20 September 1884, Page 5 (Supplement)

Fun.

"What is the infinity of silence ?" asied a philosopher, of a married man. „VI don't know, : but I think it wbuld : be 'what a man ; had to say to his wife when: she caught him trying to kiss the hired. girl." .. .: ■ "1 The baker's song : I knead thee every hour. It is stated on competent French authority that Irish women have the ; most; (beautiful bands m the world. We don't know- about this. The gambling editor says thai the .most beautiful 'hand' he ever saw was four aces. . ..:<.' •, .' .': ■■ ■■iiiii ( - .■■■l <' I was chopping m the woods 'jone 'day last winter," said he, "when my doig, ahealthy terrior, crawled into a hpllow log and found a coon. Be took if r. Coqn by, the -nose and pulled him , out into my presence.; When the coon saw how I was situjited, with a big axe and a yearning look, h& packed l ihi dog back into the hole m the log.. The dog was a i light weight; but his staying qualities were something to contemplate. He hkdi tfieicoon firmly clinched, and to that ''influence he yielded, .frequently* but as ; often) iwjthdrew from the jCold world, taking .the ,amhitious purp with: 'him. They kept sawing- 'it off this way for nearly an ' 'hour; and r it; begfen to look as though the coon was going towiH the rubber, when an, idea. struck me. , When the dog: pulled the coon bttif to view'l? .aimed my axe and struck a terrific blow' at %he coon's neck, ; , Just, then he gai?e aojerit: and>.pulled the dog's head to.the spoj; his^ould have 'b^en. 1 ' That dog' Ain't know, to thia day but' that ; it : was the ebon' 'that killed him." - . ni-.i-: ; -..;.'.ai.--oj.- i'.-iu A PBo«Esgo4wa.sexpbstulating with a Student for idleness, when the latter .said> " It ? s no use; I was cut put for ; a loafer,!',, V.Yfell," declared the prof easor, ," whoever "cut you! out understood his business." a ; '.'■'-' J ■'< She— "Do you believe m love atrfirst sight?" : He^" Certainly, my ' dear ; ' J l've loved more than a* hundred 1 women at first «ght-" • ■*•■:■■ - -..r Among the most blessed of sill the contriyanoescf nature is that which prevents a maatfroni being disturbed by ; bis -own snoring.-^- Lowell Courier. , ; , ' „. r , .-,,'. ■. • c The Japanese scout the idea 1 that Adam was .the first man. They" claim that he was a maple-sugar- tinted party by the name of Hu^Sing. If therej was a Mrs. Hu-Sing, m justice to Eve, the fact ought to be made knovrn.-rPJiiladelphia Call* l '• ':! '■ ■■ . i ■ ■■■ - ...""- '' ,; ■';■.'-:■> A Dreadful CAiiAanTY.-— "Yea, just, ; got backL Sow' did the affair— "But there; was no affair ;' the marriage did not take place, and I am nearly crazed- wath grief^ ■ ; : ; : . :,/ . . .,. ;( .j.. VY ■- " Podr fellow ! ' ' How you must suffer, f Did your loved one become ill?" : 1; " ' '''" > " Worse thaWhat." . . ;.,.-.. y "Worse?" **"'■ i; " •'-'■• :i ' Ui "" 1 , "Yes^herrfather, failed." -, ; [„;;:] " Please, mum," said Bridget, " I've, come to give, yeznptice.'f ' Mrs.Beaconnill: < Ui Why, Bridget 1 What do you mean ? . Haven't you always been •■ treated • well , and 'haven't you more privileges than most domestics ?'.'•. [Bridget r "Praps I h*ave, nium; but iver since I've been here, I've noticed that all the magazines, go into the parlor, and it's, not until iverybodyin the 'house ! ha'a rid 'ep that we sees wan of 'em' m the ikitchenr All : me fr'inds be talkm'pf the issays an' the stories an y the papers, an* I feel's like a, fool not" to be ableUo t^lk iritilligently widme : Company.' 1 f A poet hath remarked thati' Alt paths>leVid to the grave." He undoubtedly referred to allopaths and' homoeopaths ana hydropatha and the rest. of the M.D.. patha.-r-Pitfe&urjrh Telegraph. .. .... \-