News in a Nutshell.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IV, Issue 148, 21 May 1884, Page 2

News m a Nutshell.

A murderous fashion— Killing time. Brought up on the bottle— the label. Transaction— Walking m your sleep. Capital punishment— Being sent to Congress. What the potter says to the clay— be ware. Bound to come to light— Matches and cigars. The surest chest protector— Labor and economy. The artist who dabbles m oil isn't always a speculator. When is a newspaper not a newspaper ? When it is an organ. Something that should never be lost yet seldom kept— A bad temper. Women never crack jokes. They break them gently to their husbands. Marriage is ever a mister-y ; but anything is better than perpetual miBB--ery. When is a man almost sure to be hounded down ?— As soon as he goes to the dogs. With the profits accruing from watered milk the milkman's wife buys watered silk. " What's m it aim ?" remarked Jones, as lie fired at a burglar and put a bullet through the hall clock. A barber about to be hanged said " Neckst !" and then the trap-door fell. Those present considered it a good choke. The Mohammedan religion prohibits women from entering heaven. A Mohammedan heaven must be as quiet aa * store that does not advertise. " I hey often noticed," says Josh Billings, " that the men who would hey done such wonderful things ef he had been thare, never git thare." A man and his wife had a little difficulty m the kitchen, the other day, and presently matters became so quiet that one could hear a rolling-pin drop. A Banjoewangi paper apologises for obituary notices being crowded out of its columns by the brief announcement, " A number of deaths unavoidably postponed." Only three small applications for aid came before the Victoria Shipwreck iielief Society Last year. There was an exceptional immunity from marine disasters involving loss of life. Naturalists say that a single swallow will devour 6000 flies a day. A goat ought to be a first-class material for oleomargarine. There is no better butter than the goat. Courting a girl is paying her addresses. Marriage is paying for her dressos and all the other fixings.