News in a Nutshell.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IV, Issue 128, 25 April 1884, Page 2

News m a Nutshell.

'..The new name for divorce.— Doubles and quits. What-is the wreck of a courtship ?— An old hulk,of a~bußb»ngg^*.i£ What is the funniest burglary on record I—When1 — When a man breaks into a laugh. The man that hatfi. 6o music m bis sole does not annoy the congregation when he comas m late. An Irishman, speaking of a relative who was haugedj aaiitljaljke died during a tight*rope performance. • What , is this— a . water>«color exhibition V asked v citizen,' as he gazed m tha blue depths of th.c milk neddlar ; t> can. A home without a baby is a place where the Wife >J shores ov a sofa every evening waiting the return of her husband from 'important business' l A health jguraal says you ought to take three-qurters of an hour for dinner. It might be, as. well to, aid a few vegfl* tables and some meat. • When Jack Downing comes visiting ray daughter,' said old map Hardfoot, • I demonstrate the fact that every man can be his own boot j ickV The Rain on a flock of sheep may be called a wether profit. — Lowell Courier. Good for ewe.— Somerrille Journal. We don't like these lambentable jokes rammed at us. TEe pessimist who wrote ' This world is but a fleeting show,' doubtless drew his deduction from the fact th.it the only circus which ever came to his town passed through without stopping; ■ A Bismarck youth received a reply to a marriage "proposals winch said : 'If yule Quit chawn Tobacker He haf you, jim, butt i Never can haf mi Rest disturbed ißjrsich A fowl'Bceth. as youren. • Ma,' said ,a. thoughtful boy, ' I don't think that Solomon' was so rich as they say Kb" was.' ' Why my dear?' 'Be* cause the Bible says, he slept with his fathers, and if he had been so rich he would have, had a bed of>hi3 own.' 1 The best suit I ever niade.' remarked the tailor,; jafter proposing marriage and bein« accepted by. hi8 !t jadv»love. ' Yes,' Bbc replied, * I am your'maid to order.' After they were married, liowevar, he always declared that she was ready maid. • What are you doing I>raaked1 >r aaked a board' ing house man of bis chum, as he caught him tiptoeing up and down stairs.' ' I am going to get married next month,' was ■ the solemn reply, * and I am practising how to get m late at night without rising a racket.' 1 Wbat'sthat you're tanning ?' asked a visitor to a Woburn tanuery the other day. *Itis an elephaut's skin,' was tha reply. 'Do. you. do much m that line?' 'Oh no.^ Elephants' skins are scarce, but this is a special order to make a pair oE slippers for a Chicago girl.' A little.^irlsaid to, herjnother one day, /Mother, 1 feelnervbiis.' * Nervous P' aaid her mother. I<s What isneivous?' 'Why, it's being'in : a hurry all-over,' answered her daughter.