News in a Nutshell.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IV, Issue 121, 17 April 1884, Page 2

News m a Nutshell.

"Not your fault! — • One«half;of the world doesn't know- how "'" thTe dther half live?' exclaimed a gossiping woman. ' Oh, well,' said her neighbour, '.don't worry about it; 'tisn't your fault if they don't know/ •'• What does ' lux? mean P' r asked Brown, ;' Lux' means light/ replbd Smith. ♦ that's what I thought,' 'said Brown, 1 but I irasu't certain. I know my luck's always light,, however/ A saving of £15 a 'year is >aid to be effected by the employment of the now French steam epgines^operated by the heat o| the sun. This realises the old saying About Sol bungTamong the profits. ' I always meet trouble halfway,' said Jones. ' 1 don't ■' responded Jenkins ' but f let? Bim' bavejfelL- the wajkjrfqe Ws paina. and often he-gives up his "visit before he ; gets .m sight of my house,' M^ntTe:memosJ|h> jcrjif^said an Irish barrister, 'it will be for" you to say whether this' defendant shall be allowed Jo come into court with unblushing footistops} with the ;,c|oalc <rf hypqewy m his mouth, and draw tftrW I>uH6cks- out of my client's pocket with impunity.' An eccentric • old geatlemvi who had married his -second wife, a boydeniah young oreatQfe, enterfcained , a p A rty of gentleman one afteruoon, and was much chagrined by the non-appearance of his girlish spouse. Upon enquiring he ascer« tamed that she was m : the garcleD, and thereupon invited his guests out to be m» .troduced to her. As they rose to accspt the invitation, hia. son ,a .la'd^bf 1 14 exclaimed, f Don't .do it dad!' 'Why not 1' he asked angrily. 'Because,' returned the boy half. apologetically, '.she's up a cherry •tree.' . '._"_' : ' A Banshee m the house.— A Limerick lassie was employed as chambermaid m a house where they had recently introduced a telephone, the mysterious sounds of which; early arrested her attention. Whea she had been there a^day or two, she ap« peered her mistress with her wardrobe under her arm, and said, ' I'm after lavin' yer' mum.' ! ',' This is rather sudden, Bridget,' returned the mistress. • Oan't you remain * d&yu or ho until I supply your , place V i Not another hour, mum % Me, spwl'sqiute djathreased out o' me. There'i i a banshee* ln^he house. A Baptistminister Was once asked how 'it was that he to the marriage of his diughter to a 'Pr^abyterian. ' Well,* he replied,'' a* farj^J -havft ever been"Vable to diaoover, Cupid nerer studied T theology.' ;, -. ... _ > A; Dublih\.adfertisemant j informs us tnat aalriah doctor has t^keh a house ia Li ff pry-street, where 1 thY djßa! may hear him aitalliiours 5 but aB thetb^pd patients see him every day f ronv 10 to 4 thoy must come at some other time. , ; Scene ; Front of a millinery establish* ment. Sam—-' Hallo, Qeordje, what's yer hurry.' Geordie, holding up a box ' This is a bonnet for the wife, and I'm hurryin' awa hame wit afore'ib goes oot o' fashion ?' What a highly cultured ; lady knew. — She. know music and paint* ing and style, and possibly knew how to flirt; but— saints of the kitchen!— she asked for a gridiron to iron a shirt.