New in a Nutshell.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IV, Issue 65, 15 February 1884, Page 2

New m a Nutshell.

Why ig- a kiss likVa rumour ? Be« causa it pastes ftjom mouth jto r moutb. .'. In marryia', ; aUere choose |t small woman m pref'rence to.a big oh'e^ 'causa of two evils you're sure t' git' ih* feast.' A (; . iifferenos : ,'A' friend "of mine; whijn -told th« other, day of the' cfekth of a well-known stock deafer, replied V^.' Why, he's wor,3e off than I am.' I'm dea*4 broke; but he's a djjjicl brokeiy' '.",■ , Mr Sdrjice" m a recent'speech, remarked 'No one has gone jqiore heartily than the Delegates at New Zealand to Iform si , JJnitgd Australasia. an outrage ; upon ]tli& public,' exclaimedj^tpbacco-rßcented^ypujji, aa he entered tbe.railroad (iraWU .thatjw many cars should "be given .& fellows who don'k smoke,- and only one nto gentlemen who do ?' ° • ■■.... .-',7 „,••. .'■: Ethnologists aiwl nbthropologistg tell tis there have been 'three distinct eras m the earthly history of • man; There are the * atone ace,' the 'bronze agb,' and the 'iron age.' Now they- an being succeeded by the ' steel age ' — whidh iaoma people spell ' steal. 1 It is reported m the Ballarat Star that a nugget weighing. 2000z3., has been found a'fc'.Motfht Clekri ' / < A pretty 1 time of night fo'coine home, John,' said a young bride, pointing to the clock, which stood at 1.10 a.m., ' and you but just married, too ! Ugh P* 'Mary, my dear,' said JTohn pompously, and somewhat thickly m- speech, ' I am a LibaraJ, you are evidently ,Cons«rr»tive. Let U9, neither now 'nor henceforth dis* cuss politics; it WiU make home unhappy. 1 ■ <"■ -.'■'[ v.-: ■■Mi... The Various centre* of pejiblation m and about Greymouttt.are making preparations for celebrstiDg the anniversary of Robert Burns. /; , .; . .'. .^ International measures are mooted fo* the control of ihe sale of explosives, m order to prevent their use by conspirators. We read, m an exchange of a young lady- having been made crazy byasud* don kiss.. This should teach young ladies to be constantly expecting something of that kindyaiid to bfr prepared for it when it comes. .... The fiftieth annivereary is called & 1 golden ' wedding, because it takes about &U of a; man's life timp to fipd it. Its & big thing when you come to if-, but find*^ iig jt is about as uncertain as pocke^^ mining. . ' ' % * .'I don't want* rubbish, no t ßne senti« mentp, if you please,' ■•■said 'tfie widow, when she was asked 'what 1 kind ef an epitaph she desired, fqr her; late, husband's tombstone. ' Let it be short and simple — something like this— 'Win.^Johnston, aged 75 years. The good dieyoSang.' ' The small boysneaked, aeVosa: the floor, With step as, light as air-; •'* His smiling f«ce no traces bore "'} Of fibrro worof ca re ) '■'■'>> Bu^t*r»-h» j renchfcd the closet door,. To snatch the dan ties there. His mother's pplDitfttinig paw Was fastened m bia hair* The finest New Zealand tobacco i# grown m -Victorian^aHfey, Maugonui. The T« Awamutu Cheese Factory is buying mild at the rate bf. £,Q,OOO worth a '•year; ■> . '. ..,: -.. j •.; i .Curran was . once fcsked hQj^a mem* bejr of parliament had. apoke^ [The answpr was \.S i^i» speepH W!»8 ( a long parentheiisi},.He asked to ex jj\a(n. ' Why,* a,ai'd he", ''dpa't sou' know; 1 tnife a paren* 1 thes.il'l8 "a; paragraph which rriay be omit* ted from -bettib^iti^ to end- : without anj loss o| meaning V