News in a Nutshell.

Manawatu Standard, Volume IV, Issue 54, 1 February 1884, Page 2

News in a Nutshell.

• ; -=-:oo: ; — Always behindhand-— the -wrist. ; Always a foot-«4he twelve-mdh rale. Always ahead — tfae score of a river. « Who wrote Shakespeare !' queries a contemporary. Probably some fellow who wanted William's autograph. A Sanitary Congress— a meeting of scavengers. . > Ho w to restore old books— • carry them back to the owner, •'■."■- There is but one university in life,' and that is where the heart js educated^ "Edith" writes:— "How can I tell whether the unknown writer of a novel is a mau or a woman ?'' Read the novel. If every five pages the hero "'lit a cigar," it's a woman. " Never 'swear before ladies,"' says a preacher. " WhaF are we to do • Wait until the. ladies swear first, and then swear after theml" An early reply solicited.- , ' : ' ■ . The Maflbordigh is the next Tesseljto leave Danedin with frozen meat for the London market. She is being loaded by the New Zealand and Australian Land Company, and will take in all 9200 carcases. . The police at Southbridge (Canterbury) have arrested a wife deserter named George Hatch, against whom a warrant, has been in foroe for over five years. The rainfall ;n| Wellington for the month bay reaohed 9.567 inches, being greatly in excess of the average, whioh ia 3-20 inches. 'If a man haz got the righ.kind jot religion/ says Josh Billings, ' he ken pick up tho kreed ennywhere that will fit it,* Young physicians should] not be dis* couraged because they find it difficult to get into practice. All they need for success is plenty of patients, •It is really very odd, toy dear !' said an old lady, one very hot day, to Jjer friend. ' I can't (bear the heat jn sunax mer, and in winter I lo^e it.' * I haye a bright prospect before me,' said the loafer. < You always will have,' remarked Fogg . 1 1 don't think you will ever catch up to it.' If your son isks something of you which you know ought not to be granted, do not hesitate to say * No.' It is a wise father, says the proverb, Trho no's his own son. An ambitious young writer having asked 'What magazine will give the highest position quickest !' waß told, • A powder magazine, if you can contribute a fiery article.' Spiritualism appears to be making head-' way in Wellington, and there, are irtquent meetings of persons anxious to investigate the phenomena of spiritu,aHsnK On a recent evening a circle wais, formed with telerably satisfactory results. The parties have arranged to meet in the same place every Wednesday evening,, and desire the regular atteudance of gentlemeu and ladies,. the presence of thft latter being especially invited.