SATURDAY NIGHT.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 164, 16 June 1883, Page 2

SATURDAY NIGHT.

THE FIRE; SIDE.

Ruining the Revenue.—' Come on, Jamie, an' I'se stan' ye a gill.' ' Jamie: • Na, man I've joined the Blue Ribbon.' Jamie: 'I did it tae spite aul' Gledstane. There '11 be an awfu' hole m tha revenue this year,' ■ -.■-••'" ' ' Whistlers are always good-natured,' says a philosopher. Everybody knew that. It's the folks that have to listen to the whistling that get ugly. When Barnum's cannibals were on ex* hibition, one of them offered a spectator ten dollars if he would give him his little boy for breakfast the next morning. 'My little boy is not for sale,' replied the fond parent, * but I have a stall-fed mother-in* law you can have for half money. Music teacher to scholar : You see that note with an open space ? That's a whole note. Can you remember that ? — Scholar ; Yes'm — a whole note is a note that has a hole m it. A teacher at a young ladies' school, while putting a company of juveniles of the gentle sex through the" spelling, c»me to the word * lad,' of which, m accordance with the modern method, she asked the signification. One little puss, on the ques-* tion beinj< put, with a Bidelong look, unblusbingly answered, • For courtin' wi'.' A New York doctor says that small feet signify a quick temper and an evil tongue. Now everybody will be staring at his wite to see whether her feet are large or small, and no matter which way the verdict is she won't be pleased. A little boy once asked his mother whether some act for which he had been, rebuked was wicked, and mamma replihd, • No, my dear, it was worse than wicked ; it was vulgar.' A Boston young lady of wealth and position has astonished Society by making? her o irn wedding dress. She also intended to make her own .wedding cake, but the Board of Health interfered. Song of the cheese—' Will you love mo when I mold V A traveller stopping overnight with a Texan farmer whose estate was miles upon miles m extent, said to him, ' You must have begun life very early to accumulate such an estate as this.' ' Yes,' replied the farmer, I begun life when I was a mere baby." If a man smites thee on thj right cheek, turn also to him thy left cheek, and peradventure thou canst with great ease plant a kick that will cause him to become discouraged and repent of his folly. "Hond-made goods are of a vast better than machine," th' tinker said when he charged seven pence for solderin' th' spout on to a sixoenny tay-pot. An English traveller m the Holy Land is said to have discovered Jacob's Well. We are delighted to bear it. There has beau a rumour about that Jacob was dead.