SATURDAY NIGHT.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 155, 9 June 1883, Page 3

SATURDAY NIGHT.

THE FIRE SIDE.

The secret of Mrs Langtry's beauty is out, for the lady recently told an American interviewer that she was the only girl m a family of seven children, and shared the out of-door sports of six stout brothers. Noting this the * New York Hour' remarks: 'Most American ladies whose beauty has survived tbeir 30th birthday can tell similar etories, and so can a few red* cheeked, bright«eyed women, who, though past three-score, are daily getting more enjoyment and solid comfort out of life, at home and abroad, than their over indulged daughters can ever expect to do." When a man is dismissed from employ* merit he always has a good deal co say against hia late omployer. A man, m fact, is like a gun. , He makes a great noise when he is discharged. ♦' This insurance policy is a queer thing. " said old Deacon Dobbs, reflectively. "If I can't sell it I cancel it; and if I cancel it : I can't -sell it. . AtSydpey, Matilda O'Brien recently brought an action against a dead man's estate for breach of promise of marriage. Verdict for the corpse, A very elegantly-dressed and aristo-cratic-looking lady entered a first class railway car at the Paris depot a short time ago. As she opened the door and took her place she observed that the car was occupied by three or four gentlemen, one of whom at the moment of her appearance, "was m the act of lighting his cigar. Observing the lady, he made a significant grimace, and, with the characteristic politeness of a Frenchman, said, " Would smoking incommode you, madame!""! do not know, sir, No gentleman has ever 1 yet smoked mmy presence!" He put out [nis cigar. ' The press at home is even more rough upen the Salvation Army than colonial journals. This is the way that one London paper chronicles an incident that took plaoe at a Camp meeting: — ' Yes,' said Happy Eliza, 'look at me and my husband; we are both saved. A short time ago we were drunkards— horrible, despicable drunkards ;we were starving, we were without clothing. I had only one chemise to my back. But lam saved. And now I have two chemise, not to mention other articles of clothing. Have I not Captain?' And her husband answered, with grace and salvation on every feature of his face, 'Missu3, you' as.' .A question for lawyers — If a flea bites a dog, and so enrages the animal that the do? bites a man, can the flea be indicted as an accessory before the tact? ' I'm going to a masquerade ball thin evening, and want ah appropriate dresss' he said to the costumier. 'What is your business ?' « Oh, I'm a milkman.' Ah ! Then | yon'd better put on a pair of pumps and go disguised as a waterfall.' Two Highland lairds were dining together. After their potations had become considerably advanced! a neighbouring clergyman happened to call. Both the landowners were m a paroxysm of tears. • What are you weeping for erentlemen P' anxiously inquired the divine. *We are weeping,' was the answer, ' about the national debt.' # , Grocer," who haslately joined the Volunteers, practising m his shop—' Right, left, right, left. Four paces to thereat, march!'— falls down trapdoor into the cellar? Grocer's wife, anxiously— \ Oh, Jim/are. you- hurtP' Grocer, savagely, bat with dignity — 'Go away, woman; what do you know about warp'