SATURDAY NIGHTS

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 121, 28 April 1883, Page 2

SATURDAY NIGHTS

.THE FIRESIDE, "v; ; 'Where's that twelfth juror?" exclaimed an Idobo j adge, oa the, court's resuming business, after a recess, scowl* ing as he spoke at the eleven jurors m : the box, one of whom rose and said, 1 Please, judge, it's, lke.Sinimons as is gone. He had to go on private business ; bat he's left his vaddicfc with me!' . The following; ;. which shows how the doctrine' is instilled into people, is from the Medical Times :— 'Visitor : '/Your boy looks very bad, Mrs Jones. What is the matter V. Mrs ; Jones; : f Yes, mam he.be Tery bad; and ;wha>'s more,, the doctor has made him. ; worse. . I'm sore we poor people ought to. pray;, with all our ; heart-—' Ero;n all false* • doctoriny good Lord, .deliver: us.' . I-,; never sais if meaning abore.* Mr Peet, a rather diffident man, was unable to prevent himself from being : introduced one evening to a fascinating young ladyy wboi misunderstanding, his .: name, constantly addressed him as Mr | Peters, much to the gentleman ? s distress. Finally, summoning courage , | he bashfully, but earnestly, remonstrated: ' Oh, don't call ; me Peters 1 .Call me Peet.' * Ah, but I don't know you well enough, Mr iPeters/ . said the young lady, blushirig^iasjsha.ipUy fully withdrew behind her: fan. , • Don't be. going, to the funerals of . your patieats," said |a physician's wite to her husband, ( itxlooks too much like a tailor carrying -home his own work." V ' '■ An old man would not believe that he could hear his wife, talk ;fiye miles by telephone. His. better half was m s country store several miles aw iy, where there was a telephone, and the sceptic was also m a place where -was a similar instrument^ and, on bein told how to operate on.it, he walked boldly up and shouted, 'Hello, Sarah I' -'At the instant lightning strack the telephone wire and knocked the old man down, and, as he scrambled to his feet/ ha : : | exciteiily cried, * That's Sarah ever j) timel' ■ ' - v; ■:.:■>■:•>'.'; ;- \ Scene— Scotch churchyard. Ancient native (to scrariger)^-' Aye/ ye may sayt ; it's a bonnie place, 1 a bonnie, ; 'bonnie place 1 Inr-my young d^s. it was consideret a great treat to bepirlet here! >: - : - '■ , {y '\' : \^ ] ■•-^-a ; Young ladies vrho wish to haVe small months are advised to repeat this at frequehct intervals during the day.; • Fanny Finch fried five . floundering frogs for Francis Fowler's father/ The Waipawa correspondent of the Hawkes B*y Herald relates an amusing ? incident which occurred m that district; .-.. A member of a church choir bought a : handsome musical album on his way. to the weekly practice,and took it to church : with him, placing. it; on ..the harmonium. On leaving he forgot to tfike it with him, and. it was left till Sunday. Daring the service the organist espied the book, and casually took ih down to see what it was. He opened it, when to his horror it immediately commenced to give forth the well know*:. tune, ;*' Yankee Doodle." - f In despair, he placed it on his chair, and sat upon it, but all to no purpose ; the sound was smothered _ a little, but still " Yankee Doodle " was repeated again and . again until the. ; sprinjy had run down. The effect upon the congregation may ba imagined. After the service, explanations followed, but the church officers could not be calmed down. '■ Street preaohe".: *1 now asik, * brethren) what caQ I do to more you—* what shall I do to move you m this world of wickedness ? ' —^Arry ; * Send round the 'at guv'nor— that'll moitt 'em. 1