SATURDAY NIGHT.

Manawatu Standard, Volume 4, Issue 91, 24 March 1883, Page 2

SATURDAY NIGHT.

THE FIRESIDE

An Irish servant observing her nmtress feeling a pet female canary, asked 'how long it took for them craters to hatch?' f Three weeks,' was the reply. *Och, sure that's the same aa any other fowl except a pig.' A traveller recently describing a tropical shower, wrote to a frioud m the following words :—' The raindrops wera extremely large, varying m siae from a shilling to eighteen peace.' The prudent country schoolmaster doea not larrup the boy until he has looked over the boy's old man, and is sure he can whop him too. Young lover asks— « When is the best time to travel?' When you see the old man and his bulldog coining round the corner, sir, travel for all you are worth. A prominent M. P. was not complimented one night when he was addressing his loving constituents, tfo asserted that he was not an idle member of the House, and that during the last two years he had put •no less than 182 questions to the speaker and the members.' 'What a hignorant old beggar you must be !' cried a voice from the crowd. It is hard to say whether the poetry of m o tion is best illustrated by a man reaching up the back of his vest for a lost suspender, or a woman sending a brick a t a cat on the woodshed . A small boy arose at a Sun^ty- - Bchool concert and be*an quite glibly 'A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell— and fell ' — here hia memory besan to hil him— { and fell by the roadside, and the thorns sprang up and choked him.' It was Mike's third appearance m cou-t within thirty days, and m reply to his usual appeal for clemency the Magistrate impatiently observed, ' It's no use, Mike ; you're good for nothing.'* • It's not my shtyle to be braggin/ retorted Jilike, * but if yer honneur will borry a pair of shillelahs an' stip outside wid me, I'll make it inconvaynient for ye to hould that opinion. A country editor had published an able and lengthy leader on the < Physical Degeneracy ot Woman,' when a robust female entered the office, with a cartwhip m one hand and his paper m the other. As the editor threw open a window and was about to spring out, the woman moderately said she had 'brought the lost whip advertised m yesterday's paper, and she wanted the half-crown reward offered.' » Widder Jenkins," said an Ohio farmer, as he bustled into her house one fine morning-, " I am a man of business. I'm worth $100,000, and want you for a wife. 1 give yon three minutes m which to answer." " I don't want two seconds old man/ she replied, as she shook out the dish«clpth ; " Pm a. woman of business, worth $160,000, and I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on earth 1 I give you a minute and a half to get 1 " He got. ' Father, you are an awful brave man/ said a Detroit youth, as he smoothed down the old man's grey locks the other evening. ' How do you know that, Willie ? ' "« Oh, I heard some men down at the store say that you killed tbousands of soldiers during the war." ' Me, why I was beef contractor for the army I ' ' Yes, that's what they said 1 » exclaimed young innocence, as he slid for the kitchen.