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Motueka Star, Volume III, Issue 111, 5 September 1902, Page 4

An Englishman went into a restaurant in New England town, and was served for his first course with a delicacy unknown to him. So he asked the waiter what it was, and the waiter replied : “ it’s bean soup, sir,” whereupon the Englishman, in high indignation, responded : “ I don’t care .vhat it’s been ; I want to know what it is.” A well-known and highly respected firework manufacturer died recently in the North of England, and his wife ordered a very expensive tombstone to be erected in his memory. She was much perturbed, for no epitaph submitted to her «iid she consider suitable. After a prolonged and diligent search, she discovered one she thought to be appropriate on the tomb-tone of a prominent musician, in a Manchester cemetery. Now, ou the memorial stone of this noted firework manufacturer it is stated, so that he who runs may read, that “He has gone to the one place where his works are excelled.” “John,” she said, looking at him severely, “diil you know that yesterday was the anniversary of our wedding ?” “Certainly, my darling, certainly !” he ieplied, pr etending that he was not at all surprised. “Didn’t you get that little ptesent from the jewellers’ I ordered for you ? I’ll see them about it today. They promised they’d send it yesterday without fail. I’d have gone somewhere else if they had said they couldn’t have it ready in time. When I get. into the city they shall know about it. Remember it, my dear, why. of course I did ! I thought of you all day. What a glorious Why, my darling, what are you laughing at ?” “Oh, von fibber !” she cried. “It isn’t till next month—the eighteenth ! Go away!” “Well,” he said, “of all the artful But I’ll fix that date in a place that won’t escape me !” “My brethem.” said a Swift in a serm >r. “there are three sorts of pride --of !»uth, of riches, and of talent. I shall not now speak of the latter, none <»f you being liable to that abominable vice.” Says the N u-tn Otago Times. An Oamaru lad, with an ingenious turn of mind, lias constructed a wireless telegraphy apparatus by which he can get signals over a considerable distance. INFLUENZA is always more or less prevalent at this season ot the year. This disease is very similar to a severe cold and if allowed to take its course is liable to cause serious results. The best treatment for influenza is to avoid exposure and take Chamberlain’s Cough Remedy. This medicine gives immediate relief and. if used as directed, will ward off all dangerous consequences. It leaves the system in a natural and healthy condition. It always cupes and cures quickly. A. Maroy sells it