Medicine For the Melancholy Man.

Motueka Star, Volume I, Issue 36, 13 December 1901, Page 4

Medicine For the Melancholy Man.

THE DEACON’S DREAM

“May you take this lesson home with you to-night, dear friends,” concluded the preacher at the end of a very long and wearisome sermon, “and may its spiritual truths sink deep into your hearts and lives to the end thaq. your souls may experience salvation. We will now bow our heads in prayer. Deacon White, will you lead ?” There was no response. Deacon White 1” this time in a louder voice. “Deacon White, will you lead V* J

Still no response. It was evident that the deacon was slumbering. The preacher made a third appeal, and raised his voice to a pitch that succeeded in waking the drowsy man. . “Deacon White, will you lead ?” The deacon opened his eyes wonderingly, and said—

“Is it my lead ? No, I just dealt.”

Mrs Jones-—“ Does your husband travel ?” Mrs Brown—“Oh, no ; he carries his dress suit case to town every day to bring back our meat and vegetables in.”

These firemen must be a frivolous set, said Mr Spillkins, who was reading a paper. “Why so?” “I read in the paper that after the fire under control the firemen played all night on the ruins.”

A schoolmaster recently received thefollowing note—“ Dear Sir.—“ Please excuse my son Johu from attending* school to-day, as lie has to be at the funeral of his aunt. I will see that it doos not occur again.” It is related of a typical son of Erin that on one occasion he was obliged tocall in a doctor to attend his wife, and with impulsive generosity he bade the doctor come with “Kill or cure, Oi’ll 1 gi\ vez a guinea. The doctor came, and the wife died, but Paddy declined to part with the guinea, and a lawsuit was the result. Paddy successfully defended himself, for when he cross-ex-amined the medicine man he asked if it was not a fact that the unwritten contract was—“ Kill or cure, aguinea ?” The doctor admitted this, and then Paddy asked, “Did ye cure me wife ?” “No,” replied the doctor, “she died.” Hien, did yez kill her ?” snapped’ out Paddy. T did not, warmly returned the medical man.

Ihen, what does yer want a guinea for ?”

The doctor hadn’t a leg to stand on,, and lost his case.

The angler sallies forth again, And by the brooklet’s shore Doth idly lie and fish, and then Goes borne and lies some more. Judge : You say the horse bit your sister, and you claim damages from theowner ! Plaintiff! Yes, your Honour. I have witnesses to prove that the horse bit her severely. Defendent: Your Honour, the woman is a grass widow. The horse is not to blame Verdict for the defendant.

“My son,” said the good old man", “if you only work hard enough when youundertake a thing you’re bound to be at the top when you’ve finished.” “But suppose 1 undertake to dig a well ?” ®°y Pa, what is a hero ?” “A hero is a man who tries to read a newspaper in the same room with a boy about your size,” replied the papa. A Maori woman going the rounds of a picture gallery, came upon the portraits of some of the British Generals who took part in the South African war, and becoming a little excited she claimed. “ I know him, that Lord Roberts ; that one over there Lord Kitchener, and, by golly, here’s Bakin‘-Pow-der.

An Australian who has been working on the harvest fields of Canterbury and Otago, tells the Sydney Worker of his experiences. Writing from South Canterbury, he says the average wage for harvesters is Is per hour and found. All the m*ll work for thrashing is done by contract. The machine owners pay from Bs.per 1000 bushels of oats, and 10s per-1000 for wheat. In some districts it is 9s for oats and 11s. A good season with an average mill would be 70,000 bushels for about twelve weeks r or nearly 1000 per day. Some don’t do as much as this, and some do more. The men cook and provide for themselves, at a cost of from 12s to 17s per week, and they sleep in their own tents There is no contract system in the Oamaru district, and all field work is done at 9d per hour, and at the jjuills from 9d to lOd per hour and found is paid. Further South, below Dunedin r for about 160 miles, and including the Taieri Plain, Milton, Clutha, Gore, and Riversdale the work is done by hour at from 8d to, lOd, and found—the more Southern places giving the best pay. Samuel Gompers, one of the mosf prominent of America’s labour leaders, has been making a close study of the bearing of Trusts upon labour. He writes :—“The Trust specialises industrv—that is, it devotes the respective plants to special work, and to that work only, so that this mill is set to producing one small part or division of the general steel product, another mill to another branch, and so on. Probably there is greater economy in this process, and the end, therefore, justices the means. But with this classification and differentiation, with the division and sub-division, a huge and complicated machine is produced, so interdependent in its parts that the least disarrangement at any point may clog to stop the whole mechanism. In a machine so cumbrous and complex the labour organisations have a new strength. La bout tends to specialise under the trust. In this way labour’s productive power may be increased. Doubtless it is. But it also acquires another power against monopoly, since the withdrawal of these specialists reduces the trust to a mass of silent and nert machinery.”

The biggest battleship in the world will shortly be built a: Devonport' for the British Navy. It will be the first of a “King Edward class,” having a displacement of 16,000 tons, and a length of 425 ft. Previously the largest British, warships were the Queen class—ls,ooo displacement and 400 ft in length. The biggest at present afloat are American, with a displacement of 15,320 tons.

The most successful sale of dairy cattle was held in Gippsiand (Vic.) took place recently. The herd of 100 cows (milkers and springers) averaged <£lo 0s 3d, the tip price obtained being £2O ss. Calves on the Bucket brought up to £1 10s, and a team of four working bullocks £l s apiece.

An exciting race has taken place between two three-masted schooners, the Nimrod and the Sarah Smith. They were both laden with cement, and sailed from Hillsborough to New York, a fcgjtance of 800 miles. The prize was jffllng contract for carrying cement, offered by the Newark Cement Company. They raced neck and neck the whole way, and entered the Narrows abeam, the Niinrod arriving at the wharf half a minute ahead of the Sarah Smith. The difetance was covered in ten davs.

At the Dannevirke Court on Thursday the licensee of the Mangatera H itel was fmed r i£3 and costs and an endorsement, t for allowing dice to be played on. his..premises-.