MISCELLANEOUS.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume IV, Issue 236, 12 September 1873, Page 5

MISCELLANEOUS.

During the French war two ladies in Stranraer were going to the kirk ; the one said to the other, " Was it not a wonderful thing that the Breetish were aye victorious ower the French in the battle ?" " Hot a bit," said'-the other old lady, "dinna ye ken the Breetish aye say their prayers before gaen into battle?" the 'Other replied, " But canna the French say their prayers as weel ?" The reply was most characteristic, " Hoot, jabbering bodies; wha could understand them ?" Female Delicacy.—An English traveller relates how he at one time offended a number of ladies at New York. He had related a story, and then there was a rush from the room. "Is there anything thematter ?" asked the traveller. " There is, sir," was the host's savage reply." " Let me tell you such language won't suit*here." "My dear sir, what language? We were only talking of soup." " Well,, sir, but you said ox-tail." " Well, suppose I did !" " Why, sir, its that very word' that sent all the ladies blushing out o£ ; the rooni. Its highly unbecoming language —very improper, indeed !" But, mydear sir, I called the soup by its propername, didn't I?" " N~o, sir, you did not* and whenever you have occasion to speak of that particular soup again, never say ox-tail; say fly-disperser soup; that's the proper word, sir!" A Rogue's G-hatitude. —" I promise your honor, if you will pass a light sen * tence on me, I will reform and become an honest man," said a criminal who had been convicted of theft. The promise made an impression on the judge, and he passed as light a sentence as jjossible. " May the hangman choke me, but that judge is a fine old fellow ! I must send him something!" exclaimed the criminal as he left the Court; and behold, the next day the judge received from an unknown hand a valuable gold watch of which he had been robbed two years before. An old farmer said to his sons -" Boys, don't you ever speckerlate, or wait for summat to turn up. You might just as. well go an' sib down on a stone in the r middle of a medder, with a. pail atwixt your legs, an' wait, fa? a cow to back up to, be milked."

Two negroes were arguing about the creation of the world, when one said— u De world rested on a turtle's back—de Bible sez; so. Is dat so P" " What does it say de turtle rested on ?" " Hush yer tnouf, big nigger, yoa jis gone and broke up the argument."

A New York paper solemnly assures its readers that Mr. James Gordon Bennett,, proprietor of the 'New York Herald,' has for some time been madly in love with one of the.King of Denmark's and that there is every prospeet.lie will b?uccessful in gaining her hand.