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Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume III, Issue 176, 19 July 1872, Page 511

A farmer, whose son had been ostensibly learriirg Latin in a popular academy, not being perfectly satisfied with the conduct of the young hopeful, recalled -him from school,, andplaciug him by the side of a eart, thus addressed him -.—"Now, Joseph," here: is a fork, and there is a hoap of manure 4 and a cart ; what would you call that in Latin ? " " Forkibus, cartibus, et manuribus," said Joseph. "Well,, now," said the old man, "if you don't take that forkibus pretty and throw that manuribus into thafc cartibus, I'll break your lazy Joseph went to wbrkibu^^brthwivu^i

ibus. , s y~ y . i A certain literaj2fgentleman,wishina to r be one day, instructed his to admit no one, and ii anyone inquired for him to give an Mi equivocal answer." Night came, and the gentleman proeeded to interrogate Pat as to the callers, " Did any one call?" "Yes, sir, one jintleman." " W hat di<T he say ?" " He. axed wa* yer honor in." " Well, what did you tell him?" "Bure I gey him a quiveikle answer, jist." "How was that?" "I axed him if his grandmother was a monkey." A naval captain having written to the Bishop of Quebec as to the sinfulness of Bishop Williams concludes his reply with these words:—"lam alive to the danger of frivolity, but there are greater dangers in the young man's path; and I would rather see my son too fond of the ballroom than too shy of it." Well done. The bishop, ought to have a waltz dedicated to him.

Curate :Do you know Lewis, I must complain of your habit of spitting i»bout the church during services ? Lewis : Well, pa'son, there beau't no harm in that, I think—my father did it afore me.—Curate: And I have a graver complaint against your brother John, for I am sorry to hear he beats his, .wife,—-Lewis : Whyj tdere now! Ibe sure there's no harm in that !I dorit mysen! What's in a Name ?: —According to one of the Ross papers, Mr. Warden Avliner has had the title of " Marshal" conferred upon him, and he now bears the designation of Marshal Aliner.

A Kew Piece of Fuenitcbe.— " Mary, have you seen my work?" " Yes, ma'am ; I put it in the shove' em-in-here." Mary meant the cheffonnier.