"HEZ" AND THE LANDLORD.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume III, Issue 166, 10 May 1872, Page 6

"HEZ" AND THE LANDLORD.

In*a quiet little Ohio village,, manyyears ago, was a tavern where the stage always changed, and- : the passengers ex. pected to get breakfast: The landlord' of the said hotel was noted for his tricks upon travellers, who were allowed to get fairly seated at the table, when the driver would blow his horn (after taking his " horn:") and sing out, " Stage ready, gentlemen!" —whereupon the passengers were obliged to hurry out to take their seats, leaving a scarcely tasted breakfast behind them, for which,- however, they had to fork over, fifty cents! ■ ' :: ; . j

"One day, when tlie stage was approaching "the house .of. this obliging landlord,- a passenger.said that he had often heard of the landlord's tricks, and he' was afraid they would not be able to eat any breakfast. ' ' " What!—how ? Ko breakfast!" exclaimed the rest. -

" Exactly so, gents, and you may as well keep your seats and tin."

" Don't they expect passengers to breakfast?" " :■■■■-■

" Oil, yes, they expect you to it—but not to eat it. lam under the impression that there is an understanding between the landlord and the. driver, that for sundry and various drinks, etc., Hie'latter starts before you can. scarcely commence eat-

"What on airth are you all talking about ? Ef you calkelate I'm going to pay four-and-ninepence for my breakfast, and not get the value on't, your mistakin," said a voice from a back seat, the owner of which. was one Hezekiah Spaulding—though f« tew hum " they call him " Hez" for short. "I ? hi"goin' to.get my breakfast here, and not pay nary red cent till I do." " Then you'll be left."

" IS T ot as you knows on, I won't." " Well, we'll see," said the other, as the stage drove up to the door, and the landlord, ready " to do the hospitable," says—- ." Breakfast just ready, gents ! Take a wash, gents! Here's water, basins; towels, and soap."

After performing their ablutions, they all proceeded to the dining-room, and commenced a fierce onslaught upon the edibles, though Hez took his time.' Scarcely had they tasted, their coffee, when they heard the unwelcome sound of the horn, and the driver exclaim " Stage ready!" Up rise eight grumbling passengers, pay their fifty cents, and take their seats.

"All. on board, gents?"- enquired the host. ■- ! ■■ i:~

" One missing," said they. Proceeding to'the dining-room, the host finds Hez very cooly helping himself to an immense piece of steak, the size of a horse's hip.,,-.

"You'll be.left,' sir! Stage going to start!"' ,'"'."'"' : "Tv>7l, I hain't got' nothin' to say .acrin it," drawled Hez. . ; . " Can't wait, sir—better take your seat." • "I'll be gall-darned if I de\\V'nother|'

till I've got my breakfast! I -paid for it, and I'm goin' to get the' value on't, and if you calkela'te I hain't, you are mistakin."' So the stage did start, and left Hez,who continued his attack on edibles. \" Biscuits, coffee, etc.,:disappeared before the eyes of the astonished "landlord. " Say, squire, them there'cakes is 'bout eat—fetch on 'another grist of 'em. , You (to the waiter) another cup of that 'ere' coffee. 'Pass them eggs. ; Eaise. your, .pwn pork,,squire? , Hain't,much maple timber in these parts, hev : ye? v Dew right smart trade, squire, I calkelate ?" ' And .thus Hez kept quizzing the land* lord until.he had,made a hearty meal;

" Say, squire, now I'm'bout to conclude paying my devowers tew this 'ere Jtafcle, but jest give us a bowl of bread and milk to top off with, I'd be much ableeged tew ye."' ' ■ ■ So out go the landlord, and waiter for the bowl, milk, and bread, and set them betore him. ° " Spoon, tew, if you. please."

But no. spoon could be found.- Landlord was siire he had plenty of silver ones lying on the table when the stage stopped. •

"Say, dew ye? Dew ye think.them passengers is goin' to pay ye.for a.breakfast and git no compensashun ?" "Do you think any of the passengers took them ?'■'

" Dew I think p No, I don't think, but I'm sartin. Ef they are all as green as here, I'm goin' to. locate immediately, and tew wonst."

The landlord rushes out to the stable, and starts a man after the stage, which had gone about three miles. The man overtakes the stage, and says something to the driver in a low tone. He immediately turns back', and on arriving at the hotel, Hez comes out, takes his seat, and said—- " How are ye, gents ? I'm rotted glad to see jew." " Can you point out the man you think has the spoons ?" asked the landlord. l

" Pint him out! Sartinly I ken. Say, squire, I paid yew four-and-ninepehce for a breakfast, and I calkelate I got the valee on't! You'll find them spoons in the cof» fee-pot.'" .

"Go ahead! All aboard, driver." The landlord stared.