QUEER EPITAPHS.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume III, Issue 160, 29 March 1872, Page 6

QUEER EPITAPHS.

" been said that an epitaph should enough for everybody to read", simple enough for everybody to understand; <and pungent, enough for everybody to Temenlber.: ; Also, that it should be to be intelligible to natives; and' 'in Latin, that it may be intelligible to foreigners and future ages. Perhaps-the epitaph that most nearly is at the same time one "of the shortest .rhyming'couplets extant,; is the one which looks up from the tombstone of Mr. Thorpe, and makes the briejl announcement, s"'*" "■.;'• - ?: ' Thobpes - COEPSE. Umay surely be said of this, if it can be said of any epitaph, that it is short enough foreverybody to read, simple enough for everybody to.understand, pungent enough for everybody to Temember, while it may be said to be English and Latin in one. It v has another conspicuous merit: it

tells "nothing but the truth. The satirist who, on walking through a churchyard, • and observing the indiscriminate praise bestowed on the dead, wrote over the en-

trance —" Hebe lie the dead, and hehe the living lie " —would have made an exception to the latter clause in favor of

". Thorpe's Corpse." . " "Here is one' from a churchyard near Hastings. The spelling agrees with the Sussex pronunciation:— Hebe lyeth the body of Joseph Dai n, who died May 26, 1751. Good peppeli all, as you pass by, I pray you on me cast an eye ; For as you am so wounce was ,1, . • And as lam so must you be. Therefore prepare to. follow me. The following, in the church at '•'■ Croyland, introduces a few facts and a little philosophy, but ends with the inevitable memento:— . , , , . . -

Beneath this place, in 6 foot in length,, against ye dark's pew, lyeth the body- of Mr Ahm Baly. He-dyed ye 3d of Jon.. 1704. Also ye body of Mary his void. She dyed ye 21 May 1705. Also 2 children of ye said Ahm and Mary, which dyed in their enfantry. Man's life is like untoe a winter's daye, Some brake ther faste and so depart away; Others sta dinner—then depart full fed. The longest age but supps, and goes to --••••- bed. Oh Reader,.then behold and see.. ..; ..,,,/' As we are now, s.o mast you beeV " • • v: In Cnurchyard, Edinburgh, of which an. interesting account was recently published, the monument of George Heriot, father of "Gingling Geordie," the favorite of" James the Sixth, and founder of Heriot's Hospital, bears a long and compendious inscription in Latin of which the following is a metrical translation : "Passenger, who art wise, hence knew whence you are, What you are; what you are to be, Life, gate of death; J >eath, gate of life to me, Sole death of death gives life eternally. Therefore, whoever breath draws from the air, While live thou mayest thyself for death prepare." In the same churchyard stand the. famous monument to the martyrs', and-a mausoleum erected to the memory of Sir George Mackenzie, who, as King's Advocate during the reigns of Charles 11. and James 11., prosecuted the Covenanters. This monument, it is said, used to be re-

garded with superstitious dread by the

good people of Edinburgh, as itwas.believed'that the spirit of the dead man could

get. no rest id its gloomy celi.' a The "boy used to consider himself very brave who could go up to the door and cry in at the key-hole—-"Bluidy Mackenzie, come out if ye daur. Lift the sneck, and d"aw the bar."

Another and (to the passer-by) less doleful kind of epitaph, is that in which the dead man, speaking through his

tombstone, confines his. observations to Mere lies W. W. t ;'■ ~ v.'l - Wko will no more troiible you,-troubleyou.

With what a mournful backward look at us poor "W. W/* seems, to ; canter away to the Eternal Silences.

There is more contentment expressed in the following : "Here Hays : ;: • Paddy O'Blase My body quite at its aises : the tip of my nose . ; ; And the points of my toes Turned up to the roots of the daisies." No -8.1.P." needed there: ;r ; . ■'/■'

: Hiejacet Johannes Abej'donensis, Who built the churchyard dyke at : .;. expenses, ■ vi'i--.: is the inscription on a slab in Ciillen Churchyard, Banffshire, where the generous Aberdonian rests in. peace behind the shelter of his own dyke. On another slab is-engraved the-fplldw-ing verse:—-• . ... . ' s „, \ : " Here lies interred a man o' micht, His name was Malcolm Dpwnie; He lost his life ae market hrcht ' By fa'ih aff his povroie." I

A still greater triumph in rhyme is thei epitaph on Robert Trollope;architect of j the Exchange and Town Court, Newcastle,,! of whose' body, soul, and life-work it! disposes,, .summarily in ,'', : .thft following | fashion:— d ... r.-.-,,,,-

Here lies Robert T-rollope Who made yon stories roll tip. When death took his soul Sis body filled this hole up. ' j.. In Kent there is still shown the tomb of an eccentric miller, who, in tlie year 1815/ died and left handsome legacies to his executors, on condition that they should bury him under his mill, and engrave on his tombstone the following epitaph of his own composition.: - - "Underneath this ancient mill 'Lies-the body of poor Will; Odd he lived and odd he died; And at his funeral nobody cried; Where he's gone and how he fares Nobody knows and nobody cares."

But how to make-the best. :of both worlds, and how to bear in mind the hopes of the living as well as the virtues of the dead, was better understood by the.author of an inscription in the cemetery at lTptOn-on-Severn, who ought to' have been% Yanr 'kee. ;Here. it isv- .'•'•.', ',7 '"' : " : ■ -iv • j " Beneath this stone, dn hopes of • '■■ Doth lie the landlord of 'The Lion ;' :! His son keeps on the business still, ' - : l: j unto the Heavenly*will." ■ '• -

Remarkable, in -some instances isV-the manner in which tombstones describe the virtue of the deceased! In bjs "Life of Johnson," Bos well gives the following epitaph from tjhe porch of Wolverhampton Church:— ,

- u Near this place . :■ • ■:.- ;-. :'-■: . .. lies . . ; ,, : ■ • • ; CHARLES CLAUDIUS PHILLI£B whose absolute contempt of Riches & inimitable performance on the Violin made him the admiration of all who knew him. >• Stillmore remarkable, but evidently in want of a little and general I* reddingtup,"':is the epitaph scrawled on a headboard in East Tennessee:— "Hebe lies H-- H-—, born May 10, died June 4, 1851. She lived a life of virtue and died if cholera morbus caused by eating green fruit in the full hope of a blessed immortality at the early age of 21' years, 7 months. Header, go thou and do likewise." , The following is quoted from a headboard in the Sparta Diggings, California:— In memory of John Smith; who met wierlent death neer this spot, 18 hundred and 40 too. ; He was shot by his own pistil a old-fashioned brass-barril • And of such is the Kingdom of Heaven,

Next to Scripture, it seems as if rhyme had the most quieting influence over the departed. " Thorpe's body " might rise, but " Thorpe's corpse " is felt to be laid at rest. It seems, at any rate, to be

great additional recommendation to some people that an epitaph rhymes. .. -"''• ; _ ••';■;;.■"'.'"•'Here lies ;r .v~';' '■ • _=> / Eltzabrtk Wise. She died of thunder sent from heaven Seventeen hundred and seventy-seven " Another runs:— ; i. ■' ; Provost of Dundee !'/ :;. : Mieiujaii-';•: .: l -°^::,[ A--1 % . liallelujee." , r ;V':"-'-,

Here T.lies, killed' by.therexeise," as the epitaph;onthe; nous by a chaise," is an inscription in FrOdshani cemetery over a departed hostler. Another runs Y. -. ■ " Herje ,KelY, YYYY.-.-'' Jonathan; Fryi, ,/,- Killed by a sky-/ Uocket in my eye.". : ; (To be continued;) -*.