"OUR VAGRANT REPORTER."

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume III, Issue 157, 8 March 1872, Page 6

"OUR VAGRANT REPORTER."

" Fiat Jtistitia mat ccelum."

That description of pride which culminates in. the desire to exercise patronage thrives chiefly in vain, narrow, .uncultivated minds, and no more substantial proof of this assertion could be advanced than the contradistinction that - the wiser and more learned a man becomes, the more, humble and.modest he is. Need I ask what would be the general opinion if a man who, on approaching the poor Vagrant, would, figuratively speaking, impregnate himself with starch, and, assuming a military demeanour, exclaim, " Good morning, my man!" Nor need I imagine if the retort would be approved— of recalling my patron-when one hundred yards beyond me, with, a "Si I there J" and., when he had retraced his steps, simply say,. "As yoru, were" Ido not think he would pa-

tronise me again. But X see my old mate coming, out of breath. "What is the.jnatter, Jack?" Jack: Oh, Tom; -come quickly, to the .Sanhedrim, old man. They are playing charades there, and none of the audience can solve the riddle. Such a glorious burlesque I hare never before -witnessed, and they have kept us -all in roars, of laughter. There are four actors—two advocates, a lawyer, and a proctor. The first act was called " The Statute," and the second act completely annihilated the ifirst. - And now the laughable farce-of Amicus curee " has just commenced. The Proctor is the principal actor. On one ;side of the stage one Burster and Editor are enjoying a joke, ; and inaudible whispers poking fun at Hibernia, who simply stands grinning like a Cheshire cat until he is suddenly prodded in the side by Proctor,—which promps. him to say the most ludicrous things. But come along; it is such fun—far better-than Kirby's theatre. - : .

Twin: "Are there any police there ? Jack: My- word! .Two or three, I

think.

Torn : fThen I ; will not venture. It is too near the Provincial Council -sessions to tempt the police with my presence. You see, Jack, a few vagrancy cases would suit them just now, for if they cannot prove they are well employed there will be reduction of pay to 6s. a day. on. the. Estimates next month ; and what a contrast we shall soon have in the once best disciplined civil force in the world if this paring down-continues. - • Jack: Yes, Tom; and when his Lordship, in his lecture, said that in his young days the London police were all preventives, I thought myself that prevention was -better than cure, and that if this discour-

agemerit now setting in continues, our police in a year or two will indeed become perfect cures. Talking, about policemen, Tom, I will tell you a story that I know to be true, because an old mate of mine was on the diggings where, it happened. It was in 186 —, and the rush was well nigh forgotten. The rich claims had been worked out —all the people had gone except about a dozen hatters, one storekeeper, and a pub. However, the " Charley," as : his Lordship calls them," had made himself snug with a cabbage garden, and intended to remain as long as possible ; but the remnant became so orderly, that he could not get up a case. At last, in sheer desperation when.the. Commissioner paid his periodical visit, on en- : quiring of Charley if he had any cases, the oldtchsp replied—" Well, no, your; Wor- • ship; not exactly; but if ybu will' open your Court.< : l will arrest Old Ben, and -bring him before your Worship—for he was as tight as a drum one day last 'week." • ' '• i' - -'- vf-;

Tom: What about the work you were going to obtain for me, eh ? Jack: Well, old man, it is all right. I

I can get you £3 a-week at the Maerewlienna to cut a race, and you are sure to get paid, because it will be Government work; and the Immigration and Public Works .Department will send their Engineer, with Secretary and Inspector, once a-week from Dunedin through Oamaru to pay the men in vouchers. But, Tom, I have an idea in my head : You will need some money for a start, and the best plan is to get up an. entertainment- I will do the reading and; acting, and you shall sing a song. .. Tom: Oh! that will be glorious. I shall go away with my pockets lined; and I have just composed some verses on reading the . article on " Sludge CJiannels " in the ' Chronicle.' But how much can;l expect by an entertainment, if the people come out at all. Let us calculate : —Say seventy : people come—ten chairs at 4s. each, £2; ten persons at 25.: 6d>,. £1 55.; and fifty at Is., £2 10s; total Receipts, £5 15s. Now for ; the expenditure—hire of hall, £2 ; printing, advertising, and : posting, £2 153.; bellman, os.; lighter-up, 55.; ticket-holder, 55..; r total, £5 10s., leaving me os; to pay my travelling expenses; • Jack: The result would be quite consistent with the usual order of-. —— i

Tqm: That is a, grand speesch t for you, Jack, Now, listen to my >original while I

As the Vagrant Reporter sat reading alone A letter from " Miner" in a lachrymose tone;' ' ; ! ' v ~ About a Sludge Channel—the theme of the The Muses inspired him, and this was his lay:

Oh, Classical region! Mount Ida thy name, Thou art falling and waning?—thyself art to blame. Aux armes is the cry, but that cry is too late — : ■ '' .- j; ' ••' Despising all help, thou art left to thy fate.

Beview thy bright past from the time of : thy birth, > : When Parker and Scolan turned the first „ . sod of earth, . . .. Threw their caps in the air as the bright gold they spied, : . And good news for ten thousands in their joy prophesied.

The sequel repeats but the story of old, i How the multitudes rushed, in their thirst for the gold, .... ' - ....... North, south, east, and west, all scrambling with haste ■*, • . i To populate and enliven this wilderness waste. .

The first cloud that appeared can be told in a verse : . ' The ground was too poor because water was scarce. u' Disappointment prevailed, but not long to • ■ abide—- >• ; ;.. .■ - ... . A new rush was discovered, and Hamilton . . tried. . .• ;

The first internal dissension was a serious joke—' • " : '' ;; v . *7-"' • :: -' The stores and the houses the channel did choke; ■ : 1 - : ; Till Hardcastle—-"his shadow may it never grow less % ; ; 1 Drew the town from the channel by a lit- . tle finesse.

Old Time spread his wings, and matters progressed— The miner to labor, the townsmen to rest — But the future loomed blank, and all were agreed • ; , That water was wanted to satisfy need.

All praise.to'the hardy adventurous crew Who the streams: from, the Mount Ida; watershed drew, To sluice,.qut the gold, save the town from decay, ; : And raise up its head yet for many a day.

But by some extraordinary mysterious fete ' ' 1 j • . ..'

To plead with Dame Fortune thou always wert.late; While thy neighbors for years received . Government grants, r ! " " Thou hast patiently waited, as if without ' wants, " ■

The curfew has tolled that thy hour has come; - +>.... ■ , . ■ •... t :

Thy waning will soon disappear in thy doom. - - - Vi£;a :£•. ; •

In a year or two more not a trace will be found , , . . But tailings and refuse of a place once renowned.

Jack: .. ' Then; the curfew has lied. Do you hear : y - that, hooray,? S-j "»> avj.fr f.:-,-, edV ; Old Hogburn is spared yet for many a ; day; j v:

Eor : Mervyn has made Govern- ' ment badge, " ~ To fetch us clear water and discharge all ■ our sludge. ~ • v, More aiion. Tom. .