"OUR VAGRANT REPORTER."

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume III, Issue 156, 1 March 1872, Page 5

"OUR VAGRANT REPORTER."

" Fiat Justltia ruat ceelum"

When that eminent vagrant philosopher Diogenes on one occasion had coiled himself up in his tub to bask in the sunshine and brood over his wrongs, the Emperor Alexander passed by. Surprised and charmed at the apparent contentment of the vagrant, he demanded of hiui what he most desired. Diogenes replied, "Get out of my light." lam reminded of this little anecdote by a contretemps that befel me the other day. It happened thus: While basking in the sunshine on the tailings "below Peter's (my favorite resor daring the day, as my employment com mences- after sundown, when the popula ion is astir) who should approach but ojack, with the exclamation, " Get up out i that, you lazy beggar. "What shall J do to cure you of this vagrant life?" I petulently replied, " Get out of my light." But Jack, unlike Alexander, sat down be side me, and the following dialogue ensued., (carefully noted among the chronicles o\ the Vagrant Reporter):—• Jack : Tom, old fellow, I remember the time when you were leading a differenkind of life ; and I do not.like to see you here an outcast, and despised—a sneering critic—worse off, indeed, than the 'Miller of .Dee,' for-if nobody cared for him, a anyrate he had'a legitimate occupation to' employ his time. And it grieved me,, Tom, to read in the letter of " The Man in. the. Street" the sneering remarks about you." He stated that his path ? was different to* yours, for he should avoid personalities;' and, Tom— I must tell you the truth"—his opinion of c you is not singular. There are two, or perhaps even THJJEF.peopleinthis 'town who make the- same charge against you; and really I feel I cannot defend your character.

Tom.: Stop, Jack, I beseech you. Cease your upuraidings, and Lear me speak a word- in defence. Be patient with me, and I will extenuate, my fault in a manner convincing to your generous mind; and, if; this defence is read, I trust also to the minds of those who are most violent in their declamations against me. Bear in mind, Jack, that my position in Vincent is!

that of a vagrant, as well as a cynic, and if j I assumed any higher occupation I shouldbe at once hunted back by all the cliques •' in the place. As these companies are ! steadfast, persevering and consistent in' their stations of life, so am I also an infatuated slave to my calling; and I can no more escape from my thraldom than they j would wish to change their customs and • habits- But, Jack, before I enter into my defence, permit me to say a word about " The Man in the Street." It is easy for him to annihilate me, for he is a highly educated man,." of excellent natural abilities," " modest and unassuming," "of great experience," respected, and esteemed. But I do not fear him, though his power as well as his talents are great, because he has a just, magnanimous, and generous heart, and would no more injure a poof vagrant than he would do anything else repugnant to the feelings of a noble and cultivated mind. . '%. . .. . . - . '. .

If I say that Eugene is the best-looking man of the Hospital Committee, and I would like to see his portrait hung up in the large ward; or that Walter, as a public man, has done a great deal for Naseby, and that we should all miss his jolly, happy, goodnatured-looking face if he were to leave us, I should be considered personal.

But surely such personalities, as they are quite' true,' would not offend either Eugene or Walter! No, Jack, there is not one whose personnel I have attacked who is in the least degree offended. If I were to apologise to* Toby, he would reply," Don't name it, old man. You have said no harm* and I 'am always abusing somebody myself. Have a whiskey ?" No, Jack,those I have hit at bear no ill-will, but those! have left alone are up in arms.. They are right down jealous at the neglect. They! don't like preference shown, and are geting vicious.

Jack : There may be some truth in what you say, Tom ; but you cannot deny that you have been cruelly hard un one or two.

Tom: Jack, how often must I remind you that I am a cynic, and that I see the evil cropping out of my fellows, and that it is not my place to see their virtues. They are left for " The Man in the street.". Believe me, mate, bad. as you think me, I would never sport or mock at men's infirmities, misfortunes, or natural peculiarities ; nor (though it weakens my character as a cynic) would I wantonly sport with any sensitive man's feelings. But can, you blame me for revenging myself by disclosing the follies of those who ook down on me with scorn and contempt, and yet openly do things which brings disgrace upon Naseby, and give food for the j slander against our community by the Dunedin Press—branding us with a name we do not, as a whole, deserve—things which I, a vagrant, would hesitate in doing. My usual occupation, Jack, is simply to quiz those who I think will take it in good part, with even ligiiter pressure on their idiosyncracies than. Toby's branch pipe sprinklings on their hats and backs. And this little amusement of mine is safe in its way, for their retaliations do not hurt me. They cannot make me out .worse than I am. I live consistently to my calling. When I am hungry I go to Ned's, and he always gives me a bit of hot dinner or a snack of something good. Ned, with all his rollicking ways, and his shirt sleeves up, and his don't-care-sort-of-a-style, is not the man to turn his back against the poorest of his fellow-creatures. He is a good-hearted soul, though rather like the ocean in a storm sometimes. And you see, Jack, how you soften me when you come to cheer me—that I lose all my cynical ways. There are the two B.'s ' they never look ugly at me when I go into their store. Little B. gives me a plug of tobacco and a paper to read, if I don't go too often. But you asked me what made me so bitter sometimes. Well, you see if Ned happens to be cross I dare not go up for victuals, and hunger makes me very cross. But I have felt betrer lately because I am employed on windy days to hold a kite string while the owner attends to his other business; and he always tips i me well afterwards, unless the string breaks. But hard-hitting has its charms | for the vagrant as well as the- cricketer— I and I see so much tiddly-winking, as you call it, Jaek. If I see a man with an iinmense idea of his own importance, everlastingly hanging on to the coat-tails of, and fawning upon, the Colonial aristocracy and at the same time so fond of popularity as to condescend to associate with those he. thinks beneath him they may hot be, for all that); his end being t<y exercise iiDgship over his company—to be smikd at and appreciated as a joker. If such a man marked those who would c not smjle at lps witticisms or make much.Of him, and used his cunning to punish them by making balls for others (quite unwary that they are made tools of) to fire at his victims ; and if he unrelentlessly and con, tinuously sanctified all means 'to gain his ends—if he thought slander and false aspersions without foundation all lawful to crush out, ruin, and raise a host of ene-

mies against thos« who woffle riot hang on him. Would you blame me, Jack, for drawing my bow and taking along.shotat him, jus i in a friendly, neighborly way, to' check him in his inad career.

Jack: But, Tom, you seem not to like? any man to be popular. lam sure thereare some men who deserve to bo popular,. even in this small place.

Tom: Believe me, Jack, I am not envious; and, as you of this small place, let me tell you-ihat I would giadiy fan the ilame that raised in popularity some people here. Men like J.S., ii. W.H., H.8.jV1,, J.T., T. 8., U.iVi., aud many other's I could mention, who are straightforward, honorable, and kind hearted —who would scorn to tell a falsehood, are not envious, pushing, or ambitious for high places, or to be made much of, but are all the more worthy of exalted positions for their unfeigned modesty. Such men are slow to see cunning aud duplicity in others, because it is no part of their own nature. Jack : Bur, lorn, do you know of such a, silly, vain, cunning coxcomb as you have described ?

Tom : I did not say I did, Jack. I onlyremarked that, could I spot out such a character, would you blame me lor my criticisms ?

Jack: I will give you my opinion when you can point out suck a character.

Tom : Do you not think that I am useful In my way in small matters ? Sup-, posing I see Hetty going up Leven-sireet with a thing like a German sausage sticking out of her back hair. While bystanders will poke tun and not tell her, I publish it; the consequence is, next week itwill not happen, hh, Jack ? Jack : Yes; if you k-. j ep to little trifles you will raise a smile without givang offence. But your blows 1 ave been more grave than that, I am sorry to say. Tom: jNo%v, Jack, listen. Supposing E were to call at G.S.'s and order a wooden house at £SO, at 8.8.'s for tools, at B. store for a bolt of canvas; wending my way up Leven-street, I might enter S. and B. s for £5 worth of groceries and £5 of crockery, from thence to P.O. store for a few greengages for one shilling; nothing would (h)inder me from calling at the butcher's and directing that the boy is to call for orders for meat every morning—a pair of fowls and a tongue on Sundays, aDd a turkey to be sent, cooked on all red letter days. Supposing,! further, that six weeks hence I succeeded in getting into the lawyer's office without breaking my neck over six or seven clog's congregated around his door,-add get adjudicated a bankrupt, with. my ; schedule filed, sic, debts, £l()2 ; assets, £b* 10s. (id.; would 1 not deserve all the epithets that. could be gathered out of Walker's dictionary hurled at my devoted head ? Or, if I took a shortcut to Oamaru instead, and engaged my passage for foreign parts, would I be much better ?

Jack: You certainly would be only a few degrees better than that character you described,, who was so malicious, cunning, and spiteful. . Tom : Just so, old mate. I intend to stick up for this p'ace, and not allow the Dunedin papers to abuse us ; but I must weed out the garden before it will look attractive. So, instead of raking up, I fire at the roots of the fungi, and then it wilt not spread. Jack: Look at honest Peter, how he toils for his living. I suppose, in your cynical moods, you will have a shot at him.

Tom: I know something against him. He is always either pointing or sharping, and even, I believe, steeling,- but he knows too much law for the police. -; Jack: Oh, Tom, you are incorrigible. I must go after that; but think over what I have said, and, if you will give up your vagrant life, I .will get you work at £3 aweek, and then you will be independent. Soliliqiiy: I must think over Jack's offer. It is tempting, but SDacks are still more tempting; so I will yet say, More anon. Tom.