"OUR VAGRANT REPORTER."

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume III, Issue 155, 23 February 1872, Page 6

"OUR VAGRANT REPORTER."

41 Fiat Justitia mat cesium."

A blow struck in anger, however tenderly administered, one can resent, but a sweeping bang on the back inflicted with the open palm of the horny hand of a son of toil as a token of affection and delight, even though the wind is nearly knocked oat of one. must be accepted in the spirit it is offered; so, when greeted in this manner last week by my old mate Jack, I simply grasped him by the hand and welcomed him most heartily to Vincent-Hog-burn-Naseby-Mouni-Ida. Jack having a lot to say, and I a mind to listen, it was agreed we should dine together—Jack to supply the liquor and I the provender. So off I started to the Union Bakery to get my money's worth in buns, while Jack filled his billy from the tap outside Toby's door, not heeding a remark apparently ventriloquised from a room close by —" That water has to be paid for sow, a shilU:g a week." Finding a sunny placr below Peters, we took our otium cum dignitate, and compared notes since we had last met. Our pleasant chat, however, soon ended, for Jack having bought, into a claim, was going to " wire in," as he calls it, for half a day, while I had to locate myself near the Banks to note what goldbuying is going on, to gain present information for future plans. . , ... . Another w. ek has gone, and once more, by appointment, Jack and I have rendezvoused in the old place, to enjoy a quirt tete a tete to-gether. " Now then, Jack," said I, "you promised to give me a full and fair account of the entertainments you have been to this week, so I will settle and listen, old fellow, .while you palaver," which I accordingly did, arid Jack commenced his story:— .. . . ,

Well, Tom, I have kept. my promise, and marked down all 1 carL remember about these lectures; but I cannot describe these arrangements as you can, so. let a fellow off easy if I run foul of any big words in my cuffer. .To start fair, I must tell you I went down"with one of my males who knew a short way across the; tailings trom the brewery. So we paid our bobs and walked into the hall, and just as we got'ih the lecturer got up to speak. He is a tine, intelligent-locking ;>Jd man, of about sixty years of age, I should think—his hair and whiskers quite while. v J£e wore spectacles. He stood upright enough, and in a clear voice* what I should call in good"plain English, and without the help of any "book —that's what you call *' xcempo," Tom, I think. Well, he com-menc*-d by letting us all know he was a Judge; at least, I thought so, and felt a sort of awe creeping over me. His words were that he was not a-going to speak about law in the manner he was accustomed to in that seat he occupied many days in the year. He then told us that "Maniototo Plains meant bloody plains, and as he wis going to speik about myths that he thought the tradition that the Maniototo or bloody plain was mythical, as it was supposed by the Maories a great battle was fought there by two different tribes. He then related a story about two young gentlemen who, at a late hour at night, after an opera in Melbourne, found themselves stopped on a turnpike road by a closed ~p ke, and while arousing the keeper by "their coo es, they also aroused the lunatics of an asylum close by. These madmen started a cooey, and the result was that a report appeared in the papers next day to the effect that these lads had mischievously incited the lunatics ; and his Lordship said that report was a myth, because the lads were relations of his own, and not rowdies. He spoke of some Canadian myths. Percy Rock was not named after the Duke of Northumberland, as mythicallv supposed, but meant pierced rock. The Devil's Point, originally Demon's Point, was mythically supposed to be named after the Devil, who had flown away with a pilot from that point, but it was really named after some hill or mountain near the point, the French of which was Day mont. He spoke about Coneystreet, York, as mythically supposed to be called after a rabbit, but really meaning "king ;" and he mimicked the Yorkshire dialect until we were all bursting laughing. He told us not to believe that a funeral passing over private ground made that ground public. It was all a myth. And he told us all about husbands selling their wives, and the Habeas Carcase Act. He was very, considerate to us poor chaps who sat behind, for he interpreted all tlu-

foreign "words into English, for us, that we might enjoy the joke. He said' habeas carcase meant to have the body. Tom: He could not hare said that, old man, because habeas is not in the infinitive, but the second person singular, present indicative of the verb habere, conjugated like— Jack: Stop that lingo, Tom, or I will leave you. You are as bad as " Thiggin Thu," with your second person indicative —and let me finish my yarn about his Lordship's lecture. You have put it all out of rav head, now. T have got no more nofos. and quite forget the rest. He was standing up about one hour and a-half, and then he said, "Now I will sit d >wn," at which there was tremendous applause. T had almost forgotten to mention, Tom, that the Commissioner's man was Chairman, and nobodv could tell me how he got there. He walked up, I'm told, as bold as brass, and made a speech after the lecture about transgressing the law, and a chart his Lordship had given us to keep us clear of legal rocks and shoals ; and he plumped round, without anyone axing him, and begged his Lordship to come again soon, and give us another lechire. M!y word, Tom, did not his Lordship snub him splen- ! didly, and would have nothing to say to him after it was all over; and. all the magistrates and fine ladies in the front looked black a* him, too, for his impudence. I suppose thought we was going to propose thanks to the cheer, but we passed the word along, and he waited a bit until his Lordship left the stage, but no vote came out. So we watched him going down so foolish like. But the. uest is coming, Tom; for, while my mate and me was lighting our pipes his Lordship came to the door with a lot of grand ladies, and there, just before him, stood the Commissioner's man, thinking, I suppose, that as he had been his Lordship's chairman, that his Lordship would acknowledge him, and perhaps shake hands and say good night; but his Lordship, like a true gentleman, aftw shaking hands with the magistrates' ladies, and all the grand folk, turned straight round with his back to him. and marched off. Fancy his impudence, Tom, putting himself up alongside to a gentleman like his Lordship, and afore all the too. - -

Tom : Let us have another pipe, old man, and all about the second lecture.

Jack: All right, ray boy; only smoking is rather dry work, and water is scarce. " Here goes, then :"—You see his Lordship had told us all on Monday night that he would lecture about his experiences, or' early reminiscences, and we thought he was going to tell us all about his doings in Canada, and his experiences and goings-on there; because he had talked so much about the St. Lawrence and Devil's Point, and many fine places in that Colony; but instead of it was all about London. He spoke as if he had a Mogg before him, and told us all. about the bridges and streets, and he described that bridge, Tom, where the ratcatcher's daughter used to sell her wares. He told us some pretty stories, too. He said he was very nimble of foot when he was a boy, and one day he saw a young girl carrying a bundle, and suddenly a man seized the bundle and ran, and his Lordship gave chase, and a baker also ; and his Lordship caught the thief, after a struggle, and, with the assistance of the baker, secured him ; and then they gave him Lynch law by putting his head under a pump, while a coalheaver, who, his Lordship said, was a benevolent man, pumped over the thief uutil they all thought man was dead ; but the benevolent coalheaver gave him a glass of runi out of his own packet. His Lordship told us funny stories about hackney carriages and hackney coachmen. He said he was born at Kennington. He said something also about dinner napkins and table comforts descending from middle to working classes; and he wound up by speaking oi the advantages of the inventions, especially photographs. His Lordship then sat down, and the Commissioner then got up and delivered a lecture—his Lordship acting as Chairman. The Commissioner's lecture i was not so good as his Lordship's, but he i made us all laugh when he said that his Lordship had been speaking of the changes that had taken place during the last fifty years ; " but we shall perhaps see much greater changes fifty years hence," says he. The fact is, Tom, I think the Commissioner believes in the assurance of the Government, and if you look at the tables stuck up in the post office you will find that, by the Government " policy," you begin to reap the benefit at ninety years of age. I suppose the, Commissioner is looking forward to that time. Well, .it did not matter much what he said, for he has such a pleasant, good-humored manner with him that one must laugh and enjoy what j he says: And besides, Tom, it was better for his Lordship and all of us to have a Commissioner in the chair; and we all knew he was going instead of that other, fellow, because we saw it printed up on placards all the week before. Tom : Was there a good audience ? Jack : Well, we had not quantity, Tom, but it was made up in quality ; and the

elites all sat in front in chairs—-his LorcU ship's, lady, the Commissioner's lady; and the magistrates, and *he magistrates'' friends, and the friends of those who had relations who were magistrates ; then, -behind the elites sat the respectable people, and we chaps on the shilling benches behind. But, Tom, his Lordship's speech after his lecture won all our hearts. It was the proudest moment of my life when he said "Ladies and gentlemen," because; you see, be was speaking to us all, and he looked, too, as if he mearut r .it. Well, the Commissioner finished, his lecture, and then the Minister got up and said a few words. He said that the reason some of ihe miners had not come was because we had had a long drought, and a great'many hid been without money for a long 'time in consequence of their not having been able to work their claims ; and he implied that, while they sympathised with the cause, and would willingly contribute to its funds, yet they must be just to themselves and their creditors before they were generous. The Minister's speech in defence of the'absent was a sensible; true, and kind one, and my mate, who sat next me, said it was like himself; that he was ,a benevolent, Christian man, with a large heart, and everybody respected and esteemed both liim and his wife. And that is all I" have' to say, Tom, about the lectures.

These lectures having teen the* all-ab-sorbing topics of the week; all the scraps I have gleaned on generalities are scattered by the winds of versatility. More anon.

Tom.