WIT AND HUMOR.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume II, Issue 136, 6 October 1871, Page 3

WIT AND HUMOR.

Air is a dish which one feeds on every minute ; therefore it ought always to be fresh. At what time of life may a man be said to belong iu the vegetable kingdom? When long experience has made him sage. Mr. Spurgeon, it is said, once slid down the hand-rail of his pulpit steps to illustrate the easy descent of the sinner! An Irishman, upon seeing a squirrel shot from a tree, taid: " Faith and that's a waste of powder. The fall itself would have killed the squirrel." A Connecticui schoolboy has written a composition on the horse, in which he says it is an animal having four legs, " one at each corner." A little boy, returning from Sabbath school, said to his mother, " This cat echism is too hard. Ain't there any kitty-chism for little boys ?" " Charley," said a fond mother to her son, " you are into that jam again. ' " No," replied the little pet, " you are wrong, ma; the jam is into me." " Them soldiers must be an awfully dishonest set," said an old lady, " for not a night seems to pass that some sentry is not relieved of his watch." A Disputed Text.—Familiarity doth not breed contempt. The better acquainted people in general are with one another, the more they respect each other.

" Mother, I ain afraid a fever would go bard with rne." " Why, my 8011?" " 'Cause you see, mother, I'm so small that there wouldn't be room for it to turn."

Which is the densest—a London fog or a man with two wives ? The man with two wives ; because a London fog is a mist, but a man with two wives is a bigamist.

An Irishman, in recommending a cow, remarked, " She will give milk year after year without having calves, because she came of a cow that never had a calf."

"This world io all a fleeting Bhow," said a priest to a culprit on the gallows. "Yes," was the prompt reply; " but if you have no objection, I'd rather see the show u. iittie lunger." Somebody, who writes more truthfully than poetically, says, "An angel without money is not thought so much of now-a-days as a devil with a bag full of guineas." Some people are never contented. After having all their limbs broken, their heads smashed, and their brains knocked out, they will actually go to law and get more damages. How wonderful, ex claims some unknown philosopher, are the laws governing human existence. Were it not for tight-lacing all civilised countries would be overrun with women.

A pious son in Kansas City has manifested his reverence for his father's memory by having a complete set oi furniture made from the tree on which the old gentleman was hanged.