WIT AND HUMOR.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume II, Issue 135, 29 September 1871, Page 6

WIT AND HUMOR.

One of the rarities of life. —A wo-' man thoroughly satisfied with her daughter-in-law. A female barber out west has retired from business on account of the appearance of a little shaver. " Mother, it is no use, I can never love Mr. Sprowler." " Well," said the mother, looking at her with surprise, " that is no reason why you should not marry him." At the Salt Lake Theatre a pumpkin pays the price of two people, and they get two carrots in exchange. Chickens, eggs, oats, greeas, are taken at the box office. A Match.—A farmer being asked if his horses were matched, said—" Yes, they are matched firstrate; one of them is willing to do all the work, and the other is willing that he should." A practical man says that the prettiest " sewing machine " he ever saw was about seventeen years old, with short sleeves, low-necked dress, neat aukles, and enticing boots. A loving husband at St. Louis recently telegraphed to his wife as follows : —" What have you for breakfast, and how is the baby ?" The answer came back—" Buckwheat cakes and the measles."

" Here I am between two tailors," sneeringly said a young fop, as he took his seat at a New York table with a tailor on each side of him. " Yes," said one of them, " we have just started in business, and can afford only one goose between us."

Horace Greeley, the fanatical editor of the ' New York Tribune,' has offered to make a present of a pair of white blackbirds to any one finding him " a confirmed blackguard who is not a confirmed smoker."

A quaint writer says : —" I have seen women so delicate that they are afraid to ride, for fear of the horses running away; afraid to sail, for fear the boat should upset; and afraid to walk, for fear the dew should fall j but I never saw one afraid to get married."