WIT AND HUMOR.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume II, Issue 133, 15 September 1871, Page 6

WIT AND HUMOR.

There is frequently more pleasure in giving a thing than in it. This applies more especially to advice, medicine, and kicks. A preacher in the course of a sermon in • honor of St. Francisco Xavier, informed his hearers that this saint in one day had converted 10,000 men " upon a desert island !"

" What am de difference 'twixt a watch and a tedder bed, Sambo?" " Duimo-gib it up." '-'Cause do ti kin' oh de watch is on do inside, and de ti< kin' ob de bed is on de outside."

Old Elwes, the miser, having li H . tened to a very eloquent discourse on charity, remarked, "That sermon so strongly proves the necessity of almsgiving that 1 have almost a mind to be*."

One who had espoused an old and ill-tempered wife, hut extremely ric i, used to say, " Whenever I find .inv temper giving way, I retire to my study and console myself by -reading her marriage settlement."

Jealous wife: What did that youiii hid\ observe that passed u» just now, William?— Unfeeling husband: Why, mv love, she observed rather a goocllooking man walking with an elderly female.

Gr'M Humor.—There is a kind of grim humor in the address of a devout demon to his newly settled pastor, as he gave him the usual welcome, " fhe Lord keep you humble, and we will keep you poor." An indigent joimg man being curtlv told by a crusty old miser, to wh m he had applied tor help, to seize the fmt tMiiif he could lay his hands upon, .-aug'tt his adviser by the nose and pulled it unmer.-ifully. The following is the conclusion of an epitaph on a tombstone in East T, linessee:—|'She lived a life of v'rtue, and died of the cho era morbus, caused by eating green fru.it in the full hope of a blessed immortality, at the earlv age of 2L years, 7 months, and 10 days, .deader, go thou and do likewise." The Turkish Ambassador being at a public dinnr. with some of the magnates of the bind, the chairman gave as a toast, in eomplim nt to his Excellency, '■ Ihe Sublime Porte and the Turkish \mbassadv>r." The waiter echoed it down the tabic, " A supply of port I'or the Turkish Ambassador/'