WIT AND HUMOR.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume II, Issue 132, 8 September 1871, Page 6

WIT AND HUMOR.

Some women are so industrious that they even knit their brows when their husbands don't please them.

An artist's wife never admires her husb. nd's work so much as when he is i drawing her a cheque. ' A minister n.t long ago preached i from the text, " Be ye therefore steadfa t," but the printer made him expound from "Be ye there for breakj The 'Boston News' stales that the | New York woman suffragists object to banging Mrs. Fair on account'of her ! sex, and adds : —" Jf women are citizens i cjiough to vote, they are citi/.ensenough : to be hung. " There are some things which will 1 ncv-r be hurt by falling," growled an ; old nk'.n in market the other morning. ["What's them?" inquired a market- : man. " Prices," said the old man ; ! *' they're so awful slow in falling that they'"ll never get smashed." j " I fear," said a country clergyman . to hin flock, "when I explained to vou, • in my last charity sermon, that philan- ! (iiropy was the love of our species, you must have misunderstood me to say ;'specie,' which may account for the «:;:atlness of the collection." In a Sheriff Small Debt Court case v-t ivtgin, the answers of one of the witnep2e;<, who tq oke with a Highland accent, served to provoke a deal of merriment. To a question by the Sheriff , 'How long have you been a shep•id?" he answered, "Since 1 was | born and my father before me." " Sir, will you please tell me where the noonday prayer-meeting is held ?" i\."kcd a lady of a lawyer, iu Nassaust,cef, the oiher day. The lawyer, looking every way for escape, at last (ttiiui.'uerad out, "Madam, you—you h:»d belter Ivy a member of some other profession." The following words really formed the peroration of the counsel's plea for Ms client in an assault and battery case : —" Let the humble ass crop the iL-Jstle of the valley! Let the sagacious goat browse upon the mountain's brow; but, gentlemen of the jury, I say John Jundle is not guilty!" A certain minister was not over-fas-tidious about his wardrobe. One day, meeting his brother, who was also a divine, he was censured by him for being so careless about his dress, and especially reprimanded for wearing striped trousers, it being altogether unclerical. Whereupon, the humorous preacher retorted, by saving—" Brother, my religion does not lie in my breeches."