PICKINGS FROM JOSH BILLINGS' ALLMINAX.

Mount Ida Chronicle, Volume II, Issue 117, 26 May 1871, Page 7

PICKINGS FROM JOSH BILLINGS' ALLMINAX.

Love iz like the moazles, we kant hav it bad but once, and the later in life we hav it the t.uffer it goes with us. What men kant do they a<-e very apt tew admire they dontr criticize a mountain, bekause they kant make one. The man who wont beleave enny thing he kant see aint so wize az a mule, for they will kick at a thing in the dark. Allminaxes teach uz when tew wean lambs, when tew pay our dets, and how tew set a hen with eleganse fii)d pie eision. Courage without discreshun iz like a ram with horns on both ends, he will hav more fights on hand than he kan do Justus to. When 1 see an old man marry a. yung wile I consider him starting out on a bust, for I am reminded ov the parable about mixing uu wiue into old junk bottles. Premium awarded to a velosipede rider in 1870. To Abram Parsons, a premium of dollars, for riding a volosipede down the back stairs ov a gimnaziuin, and knocking down 18 ov his front teeth, and distorting his noze. 1 never nu a raccon tew want enny think long that he could steal quick. I hav ha<l tame coons hi the dozen, but I dont advise enny body tew cultivate coons ; they want as much waiting on az a blind mule on a tow path, andthar a ; nt enny more real proffit in them than thar iz in a stock dividend on the Erie .Railroad. The codfish iz the fruit ov the oshun, which accounts for their being so salt. They are good eating for a wet day ; they are better than an umbreller to keep a man dry. They want a good dejil -.) v freshning before they are eaten, and want freshning a good deal afterwards. IK I can have plenty of codfish for breakfast, L can generally manage tew make the other two meals out ov cold water. I dont kno ov enny thing more remorseless on the face ov the earth than 7 per cent, interest. Dont lav enny certain p'ans for the fewter, it iz like planting tuds and expekting to raize tudstools. Advise iz like kas tor oil, easy enuff tew giv, but dredful uneasy tew take.