FUN IN THE VESTRY.

Manawatu Herald, Volume L, Issue 40040, 17 December 1929, Page 4

FUN IN THE VESTRY.

AMUSEMENT FOR PARSONS.

TYING THE NUPTIAL KNOT.

PECULIAR “CONDITIONS.”

If one is married be or she is invited to look at the marriage cer- . tifica te. One of the columns has , the heading, “Condition” and the /entries will be “Bachelor,” “Spin,ster,” “Widow,” “WidoAver,” or “Divorced,” as the case may have been. A parson writes in a London journal as follows: Most pajrsons fill in the column right aAvay ; others —I’m one of them —are wicked - enough to look up the register and put the query “Condition?” to the perspiring .bridegroom or blushing bride. The

replies received in such cases afe sometimes astonishing.

“Pretty fit, sir,”‘said- 'a rural bridegroom, “but” —wiping his forehead —“a bit on the nervous side at present. You needn’t put that down, though,” he added. I wrote “Bachelor.”

Another bridegroom, middleaged, said cheerily: “Fourteen stone, and Al, parson! Give you .ten yards in a hundred, and beat you any day.” I entered him as “Widower.” A week later he came back.

“You never put down that ‘Al’ I told you,” he said, and that obliged me to malke a somewhat lame explanation.

“Strikes me,” he said, “you have r; bit of a game with this ’ere ffionclition’ business.”

I didn’t deny it, because, although he had put it somewhat crudely, it was the truth. A buxom village bride, when ■ I said “Condition?” hesitated, and then turned to her mother for help. “She’s on the stout side, talking after me,” said that lady, .“hut there ain’t a finer girl, although I say it myself, for ten miles around. Stoutish, yes,” she repeated, “but you couldn’t call heir fat, thank you. -5*

So I wrote “Spinster.” The “p” might be clearer, for I started to write “St—”

Another bride replied “tremulously: “All right, sir,” and it ay ns then that I resolved to spare all future brides. My chivalry conquered by sense of humour.

A bridegroom told me that his condition was “warm.” This is a local term for having money in the Tank, hut it also applied to' his physical state, for his forehead Avas beaded Avith drops of perspiration. Another bridegroom, a sailor, A/as apologetic. “Sorry, parson,” be said, “but I knoAV I’ve bad a drink or tAVO, but don’t go and shove it down. I’ll be all right presently.” A farm laboured, AA T ho Avas allot her of my A r ietims, told me lie Avas “fair moithered,” and I did not disagree. I had had to haul him through the marriage'service. He took the prize for stupidity*. His mother-in-law whispered to me: “Doan’t ’ee take any notice of ’im, parson. My gal Avill wake ’un up.” She Avas right; her “gal” did.

It must not be thought that only humble get mixed as to the .meaning of “Condition.” A colonel snapped: “Condition, sir? First-class! Never been ill. in my life!”