MATAURA HUMOUR.

Manawatu Herald, Volume L, Issue 3971, 16 July 1929, Page 4

MATAURA HUMOUR.

MIR, M’DOUGALL, M.P. iHIS POLITICAL VIEWS. An unusual type of speech, certainly one of a iklind seldom heard in Parliament, was made in the House of Representatives on Thursday night by Mr. D. ,MT>ougall, United member foa’ Mataura. delivered in a loud, Scottish voice, Mr. APDougall’s observations kept the House convulsed.

“There, is nothing in the world bites harder (than truth,” said Mr. M'Dougall, referring to the speech of the mover of the Address-in-Reply motion, “and the speaker hit near the truth when he got talking about land aggregation.” It was very interesting, he said, to hear from the Leader of the Opposition that a certain man with 35,000 acres of land had >SOOO sheep. “Such a property,” said the speaker, “ought to support five families of six each. I assume that this gentleman with 5000 sheep on 35,000 broad acres would not have any family at all.” Mr. M'Dougall went on to refer to the incident in the House the other day when it was moved that the Leader of the Opposition should have his time extended. “I, in my simplicity,” he said, “said ‘Vo,’ and I have regretted it since. (Laughter). I didn’t do it with any intention of antagonism. I did it because I had heard so much about unemployment. I was under the impression that we could do more good by getting to work than sitting here listening to a lot of talk. But I have been told since that you must let off a good deal of gas in the House.”

A Reform voice: “You are doing it well.” Mr. M'Dougall added that he had been told it might accumulate and blow the roof off the chamber, and he had no desire to see the whole "structure come down, burying all those valuable members on the Government side of the House. (Laughter). “If we lost these honourable gentlemen,” he said, “it would have a great effect on the production! of this country. (Laughter). Every member I have come in contact with doesn’t grow enough spuds to feed himself. (Laughter). I have no feeling of antagonism against the Leader of the Opposition, and if anyone chooses now to move an extension of time to that bon. gentleman I can assure you I will hold my peace and suffer the grief and pain to the end of the present Parliament.” (Laugh te{r). “DOGS AND PUBS.” Mr. APDougall then turned in the direction of the member for Riccarton and castigated him for having referred to the United Party members as “dumb dogs and blind pups.” (Laughter). “I thought it' was rather complimentary,” he said, “coming from a man who has had a college education. Now doesn’t it seem very nice? (Laughter). There are no blind pups on this side of the House, but I wall leave that subject, because you can educate a mule to do anything, but it still remains a mule.” (Laughter). Holding up a pamphlet, Mr. M'DougaU said that he did not know anything about where the proposed Taupo railway was, but the evidence of the pamphlet condemned the proposal. Mr. F. Lye (Waikato): “What is the name of the pamphlet?” Mr. MTtougall: “It has no name to it.” The pamphlet contained a photograph taken fourteen years ago as justification for the railway. Then there were “two great big turnips where there was a dead sheep before.” (Laughter). “They have als'o a picture of a pen of cattle and they tell us the rails are 6 feet 9 inches high and the cattle are four to six months: old, yet they are just about level to the top of the rails! You take a bullock Oft. 9in. high, that! is, 18 hands. If you get a horse that will sfeind 18 hands high he is pretty tali'. A bullock four .months old that stands 18 hands high is as big as any entire in the country, (Laughter). Then they tell you to give us the railway. I went through this and almost felt giddy. I sincerely hope these cattle did not come from .Southland, but I am going to make inquiry when Igo down.” (Laughter). Mr. APDougall alleged that it was the policy of the Reform Party to bring men out fpom Home so that they would have to humble themselves to the squatter for the right to earn their daily bread. He then told a story about how it was stated John Bull colonised. John Bull sent out the missionary to convert the native, then brought a brandy bottle to divert him. He then sang “Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow,” hoisted the Union Jack, sang the National Anthem, and declared the country British. If the native did anything a gunboat was sent to shoot him, as the Reform Government sent gunboats to shoo.t the Samoans. (Labour members: “Hear, bear.”) Mr. A. M. ‘ Samuel (Tliames): “What nationality arc you?” “I aim very pleased to see the Reform Party where they are,” said Mr. APDougall, “ and while I have a vote I am going to support the Liberal Party.” Mr. Samuel: “They are (welcome to you. A few more like you aja<i they’d do well.” ABOUT MR. COATES.

'Mr. M‘Douga.ll referred to an exploit recorded in the “.Newsletter'’ about Mi'. Coates and a bull, and said that after he had read it he sat down by the wayside and wept. (Roars of laughtejr). The paper had (kept on booming Mi'. Coates until he burst and fell, “and great was the fall .thereof.’* L

Mr. M‘Dougall Here created a diversion by saying that he would like to sing the song which said “Save me Prom my Friends.” The Leader of the Labour Party had congratulated Mr. Coates on the sportsmanlike way in which he had taken his defeat, hut what else could Mr. iOoates do when unemployment, starvation, and stagnation had been brought about by his regime? “He took his sins to the footstool of Sir Joseph,” proceeded Mr. APDougall, “and Sir Joseph, in his kindly, humble way, said, ‘I freely forgive you, brother, go and sin no more.’ ” .(Laughter). “T'helre has been a good deal of talk since I came into this House,” proceeded Mr. M‘Dougall to the accompaniment of roars of laughter. “A lot of it could have been left out and we could have got down to the business of the House and given some relief tot unfortunate people who have little hungry children and nothing to give them to eat. All the talk we can do and the piffle we hear from the Opposition benches would not fill , the belly of one hungry child.” Mr. APDougall concluded his speech by making an attack on the Reform Party and said he defied any nnan to bring up a family of thirteen children, as he had done, undeir Tory rule . He had walked the country looking for work when Sir Harry Atkinson was in office, and lie did not get it until Mir. Seddon came into power. Mr. APDougall thanked Mr. Speaker for haiving given him so much latitude, “because he believed that lie had slipped over on to the broad path.”