“AS SHE IS SPOKE.”

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLIX, Issue 3836, 25 August 1928, Page 1

“AS SHE IS SPOKE.”

FOREIGNERS’ ENGLISH. . SOME AMUSING LETTERS. The mistakes of foreigners wrestling with the intricacies of the English language are frequently amusing. In a recent issue of the Spectator, Mr Bassett Digbv supplies the following example that came under his notice: —

‘‘When I was last in Shanghai,” he writes, “ a Chinese doctor, finding competition too keen among his compatriots, pluckily decided to wade in and compete with the white ‘medicine men.’ So he paid a round of visits to American and British business men, asking each to let him see one of his middle fingers. Having examined the jiroffered digct as though it was some new and strange object fallen from another planet, he grunted a cryptic comment and handed the owner of the finger a leaflet as follows: ‘ A Chinese doctor comes firstly 1 come here and do not understand the dialect. I have this kind of commerce, but no one knows. I know well all the kinds of sickness. The man who is sick, don’t speak out before give me your hand to see the middle finger, at once I know well what sick you’re. If you don’t believe in hurry I must try. to do. If I know what sick you’re, wffl you let met do well yourself at choice. If you will do well yourself I must tell a high price. If you think that my medicine is dear, you may don’t do well yourself, let me see your middle finger to see you’re sick or not, to want a little money. But you may tell this commerce to every man.’ “Wlhen the victim glanced up, with a dazed expression, after perusing this offer, the Celestial doctor averred with pride that it had been written by an American lawyer.” AFRICAN EXAMPLES. 'V

Anyone who habitually reads newspapers from various parts of the Empire will come across many similar examples of distorted English. A London firm of publishers which specialises in educational books recently received the following letter from an educated native resident of the Gold Coast of Africa : “I am going to ask a great favour of you. The fact that for over a month past I have noticed there are a great number of people dealing with you, and soon after they have commence to deal with you. And study your wonderful books. They at once become perfect gentlemen and are very successful in whatever they undertake. I myself take the liberty of asking you to remit me at once of your large catalogues. If you have book not, try and sent me your learning pills of medicine catalogues.” The following letter was written by a student to the headmaster of a well-known missionary institution in South Africa : “My Lord, find I will be unable to be at the aperture on the Inst, on the 13 Feb. On returning from my holiday I found that my brother had fallen asleep. The incident of the accident was a lion.” A BABU APPLICANT. A Canadian newspaper printed the following letter, which came from an applicant at Bombay for a vacancy at the Winnipeg courthouse : “Most honoured sir, —Understanding there are several hands wanted in your honours dept. I beg to offer by hands. As to may adjustments I peared for the metrikuiation examinations at OOty (OOtacamund) but failed, reason for which I will describe to gebin with my writing wos illigible. This was due to elemit reason for I having come from a warm to a cool climit my fingers stiff and very disobedient to my wishes. Further, I had received ,a grate shock to my mental sistern in the shape of the death of my only fond brother besides most honoured sir I beg to state that I am in very uncomfortable circumstances being the soul support of my flond brothers seven issus, kons is ting of three adults and four adujtrenes, the latter being the bain of my existence, owing to my having to support two of my own wifes as well as there issus, of which by Gods misfortune the femanene gendre predominate. If b_q wonderful good fortune the few humbled lines mete with your benign kindness and favourable turn of mind, 1 the poor menial shall ever pray for the long life and prosperity of your self and your honors posthumous olive branches. —1 am your honours very dutyful serven't.” ANOTHER CHINESE EFFORT. An English firm at Shanghai received the following application: “Dear Dr. . —I am Yang. It is for my personal benefit that I write to you to ask for a position

in your honourable firm. I have a flexible brain that will adopt itself to your business, and in consequence bring good efforts to your honorable selves. My education was impress upon me in the Peking University in which I graduated number one. I can drive a typewriter with great noise, and my English is great. My references are of the good, and should hope to see me they will be read by you with great pleasure. My last job has left itself from me for the good reason that the large man has dead. It was on account of no fault of mine. So, honourable sir, what about it? If I can be of big use to you, I will arrive on some elate that you should guess.” AN INDIGNANT CUSTOMER. A French-Canadian shopkeeper' sent the following indignant letter to a firm of engineers:— “Mister, dear fren, I got the valve which I buy from you alrite, but why for godsake you doan sent me no handle. What’s the use a valve when she doan have no handle, I loose to my customer sure thing, you doan treat me rite, is my money not so good to you as the other follow, my customer he holler like hell for the valve, you know he is a hot summer and the wind lie no blow the mill, you doan sena the handle pretty quick I goan order some valve from other companies. Qoodby, your fren. ‘ “P.'S. —Since I rite these i fine the handle in the box, excuse me.” A SIAMESE SAMPLE. A Siamese newspaper proclaimed its merits in the following advertisement :—• “The news of English, we tell the latest. Wfrit in perfectly style and most earliest. Dom murder get commit, we hear and tell of it. Do mighty chief die, we publish it, and in borders of sombre. Staff has each one been college, and write like Kipling and Dickens. We circulate in every town and extortionate not for advertisements. Buy it.”

Up to last week the whaling party at Te Awaite, Tory Channel, had captured 55 whales since the opening of the season. This is a new record, the best previous total being 54 captures during a complete season, when two parties were operating with eight boats and 17 men. This season only one party is operating with three boats and five men. It is understood that so many whales have been taken that the shore factory is more or less congested, and chasing operations are being temporarily suspended at intervals.