“IF.”

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLIX, Issue 3746, 26 January 1928, Page 1

“IF.”

(By “Dave.”)

If all the sea was made of beer, And all the land of cheese; And crayfish grew already cooked, Like leaves upon the trees. And banknotes fell instead of rain, And all the grass was gold, And summer days were not too hot; Nor winter ones too cold. If houses sprouted in the night, And motor cars cost nil, And everyone was full of vim; And no one ever ill. If fowls laid ninety eggs a day, And work was said to be, A crime, and everybody lived The thousand years and three, . If every man had thirty wives, And all of them were dumb; And diamonds grew like hazel nuts, And cows provided rum; And cigarettes were three feet long, And politics were barred. And loaves of bread were thick as logs, And measured by the yard; If every horse we hacked romped home, And everything was free. And all the girls wore crepe de chine, And smiled at you and me; Ah, well! T’would be a merry world — But some perverted owl, Some pessimistic, blinking cow, Would find a cause to growl.