AT GOVERNOR’S GATES

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLVIII, Issue 3617, 24 March 1927, Page 1

AT GOVERNOR’S GATES

THE DAILY LUNATIC. I HOW THEY ARE MET. SYDNEY, March Ur, i‘Good-morning,” said the lunatic “Good-morning,” said the man at the Governor’s gate. “I see you’ve been touching the old place up again,” said the lunatic, “I can’t say T like the turrets over the front door.” ‘That will be seen to,” said the man at the gate. don’t suppose you expected to see me so soon?” “L certainly didn’t”’said the man at the gate. ‘‘That’s all right,” said the lunatic. “You can have a £lO rise.” ■‘Much obliged, I’m sure,” said the man at the gate. LUGGAGE COMING. “My luggage is coming on,” said the lunatic. “1 expect they’ve sent the cars for it?.”. “I expect they have,” said the gatekeeper. ‘(‘Well, I suppose I’d better be moving in,” said/.the lunatic carelessly, strolling ,into Government House. It took two • policemen and half an hour's coaxing to get him out again. This is not a nightmare. It is just a busy day at the main entrance to Government" House. If ever a man deserved an ambassador’s cocked" hat, it' is C. Morris, the mild and tactful gentleman in the unobtrusive uniform who sits in his little kiosk at the side of the big iron gates. Lunatics are all in his day’s work. Ho is rather bored by them. At any moment of the day he may be called upon to face a situation which could district a legation of equerries. ONE A DAY. His job this week —dealing with a deputation of oU women anxious to interview the Governor on appointments to the Upper House —was simple and pleasant. Six of the women were asked into afternoon tea. The remainder waited outside the padlocked, gate, shyly chatting with the mild man in uniform. There was no trouble, no fuss. Everything went oil with a nice diplomatic ease. But handling peaceful invasions like that is only one of the duties of this admirable gatekeeper. His is. the task of. intercepting the daily lunatic. ■‘One a day, we.get them,” he remarked, . sadly but uncomplainingly, this week. “All dotty. Most of them say their luggage is coming on behind. Sometimes they complain about their valets leaving them. If I could cash all the cheques they’ve handed me I’d be a millionaire'” BILLIARDS ON DRIVE! Once the gate-keeper looked out of his window, .and saw a man lying flat on his stomach, playing blliards with a walking-stick along the drive. He said he was an aide-de-camp, and objected to the Government House bil-liard-table. It is quite a common thing for a visitor to rush past the gates, fall on his knees on the path, and start praying at the top of his voice. “Most of our daily lunatics are in tlie Secret Service,” said the gatekeeper. “They approach you very mysteriously. They talk in low voices, and say ‘Hssli!’ every now and again—” At this moment a visitor came to the office. The gatekeeper took one look at him. “Still in the Service He inquired benevolently. The stranger looked rather annoyed at- the news; leaking out. l“Hssh!” he said. •“What’s the trouble?” asked the gatekeeper. ' 1 ■ i“Hssli!” said the Secret Service man. “There’s a chap with a radio set up in that tree there, listening to every word I say!” “You’d better be careful, then,” remarked the gatekeeper. “Hssli I” said the stranger, who put onie figner to his lips, and retreated craftily. LITTLE PRESENTS. This is the sort of thing tho gatekeeper puts up with every day. “Often they bring flowers,”- he said resuming the discussion happily. “Once a chap brought a red rose and a white rose. He said the, red rose was for Lord Forster, and the white rose was for Lady Forster, and it also stood for Mexico, because he was in the Mexican Secret Sendee.” The gatekeeper sighed, and shook his head. Even as he did so, a tall, mysteriouslooking gentleman with a long, black moustache, put his head round the door and said, “Hssh!”