WIT AND HUMOUR.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLIV, Issue 2499, 28 October 1922, Page 1

WIT AND HUMOUR.

SOME OF THE LATEST STORIES

Tn these limes of .slump and deprcsskm il is pleasant to eome aeross a cheerful paper. Surely the cheeriest of papers is "Humour" a copy of which we have received from the X.Z. Office of the publication (Singer Avenue, ’Wellington) and from it we have culled a typical selection of the anecdotes and witticisms. ‘‘Humour," which is published by the same company that runs “Aussie."'the bright and clever monthly, slcitus the laughter from the prominent humourous journals published abroad. Free specimen copies may be obtained on applienlion to the X.Z. office. OXLY A LAST RESORT. Two Scotchmen were on a raft adrift on a stormy sea. Angus knelt and began to pray. "O Lord," he said, "1 ken I’ve broken moist o’ Thy commandments. But, O Lord, if I’m spared this time I promise—" Here Andrew interrupted him. "1 widna commit yonrsel’ over far. Angus," said he. "I think I see land." EQUAL TO THE OCCASION. A coloured preacher in Alabama had at one time served a short jail sentence and was fearful lest his congregation discover the fact, as in his later years he had been a model of rectitude. One Sunday, rising to begin bis sermon, his heart sank to see a former cellmate sitting in the front row. Quick thinking was necessary. Fixing his eye on the unwelcome guest, the preacher announced solemnly: • "Ah lakes malt text dis mo'nin" from de sixty-fo'ih chaptah and fo' hundredth verse of de book of .Job, which says: ‘Deni as sees and knows me, and says nothin’, d>-m will Ah see later." WHERE WORDS FAILED. Tin* new guard was not familiar with a certain railway run in Wales, fame a station which rejoiced in the name of Llnnfairfoelianpwligogoryeh. For a few minutes he stood looking at the signboard in mule helplessness. Then pointing to (lie board, and waving his other arm toward the carriages, he called. "If there’s anybody there for here, this is il !” DIVI.XE FAMILIARITY. A small South Carolina church recently called a new pastor, and on the occasion of his lirsr sermon the negro janitor was an interested listener from the doorway of the building. The minister proved to be linen!, his sermon was eloquent, and in his prayers, which were loud and long, he seemed to cover the whole broad liange of human needs. As the service ended and the congregation was leaving, one of the deacons paused for a word with the janitor. "By the way, Joe," he said, "what do you think of the new minister? Don’t you think he makes a wonderful prayer?" “Cap’n," the darkey answered, “Ah suttiuly does. Why, dat man took an’ axed de Lawd f’o’ things dat de las' palison didn’t even know he had.” NO LI EX. There once was a lad named Obrien Who thought that he’d like to go flien So he jumped from a wall With his ma's parasol,— You can guess the result without I l'ien. PARENTAL ECONOMY. Sammy (admiringly surveying his lately arrived twin sisters): Did you get them cheaper by taking the two papa? Long-Distance Shooting. The new night watchman at the observatory was watching someone Using the big telescope. Just then n star fell. “Begorva,” he said to himself, “that, felly sure is a crack shot."