THE MAN WHO IS SPOILT.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLIII, Issue 2348, 29 October 1921, Page 4

THE MAN WHO IS SPOILT.

SOME HINTS FOR WIVES AND MOTHERS.

Have you ever met the man who is “so handsome,” “so polite,” “so entertaining,” but “so selfish?” No doubt you have, and more than one of them too. How very often selfishness is the one fault that mars the character of men who are otherwise quite charming. Indeed, it is very often he who is most gifted and naturally endowed with graces, the kind of man whom everybody likes, who is most selfish.

Have you ever asked yourself why this should be se“? Is it not because the charming men have been spoilt from childhood upwards —perhaps by a doting mother or father? “Ah, well,” says the fond bride, “I shan’t spoil him.” But she will probably find when they are married that if she does not spoil him his charm will speedily give way to irritability and sulkiness, and a happy home-life will be made impossible by constant jars and bickerings. Selfish men grow out of selfish boys. Let every mother remember this. For, oh, how difficult it is to refrain from spoiling the darling! When ho is just old enough to enjoy “cakies,” and snatches one from the table and then looks so so rougishly, how almost impossible it is'to take it away from him; yet this indulgence towards him in his infancy means selfishness later on. And when the little school-boy expects his younger brother and sisters to wait on him, if the mother wishes to save him from growing into that most odious of men —the one who expects his wife to wait on him hand and 'foot—she will begin to teach him now, before these selfish traits become definitely fixed into his character so that they never can be eradicated.

DEVELOP HIS NATURAL INSTINCTS.

She will instil into his mind feelings of chivalry and consideration; she will make him feel that being older and stronger than the little ones brings certain responsibilities with it, and that it is Tii-s place to help and protect them, rather than expect them to help him. It is not difficult to train a child in this way, but, alas! the mothers of to-day are apt to overlook this most essential part of the bringing up of their children, the neglecting of which causes much regret and pain. Too often the boy who despises girls and younger boys has been really taught this attitude of mind by grownup people. The reverse is natural to a child, and the mother will only have to guide and encourage his natural instincts to see him growing into a true gentleman. There is another danger which the mother runs in bringing up her little son. He is everything, and she is nothing so far as her own feelings are concerned. She will deny 'herself to give to the boy just because he begs for -it, and rather than have any trouble she gives way to him in almost everything. Those mothers who have read Thackeray s “Vanity Fair” will no doubt have had a rather uncomfortable feeling that Emmelia’s treatment of her little Georgie is uncommonly like their treatment of their own darling. As Thackeray so plainly shows in the case mentioned, the results of such treatment are disastrous. It is no true unselfishness which, howevci

celf-forgetfuliy, trains a boy to be selfish. For this is wlmt it comes to when the mother will let her son treat her in such a way as she would blush to see him treat anoth-. or woman. There are mothers who will take off their boys’ boots for them! Woe betide the wife whose husband has had such a mothei! SELFISHNESS MEANS UNHAP-

PINESS

And then, again, it is impossible for a selfish man to lie really happy, for to be truly happy means making others happy. Now a man who has always had whatever lie has wanted cannot bear to be'-thwarted in any of his plans, and thus he makes himself and all around him most unhappy. Such a man can spoil v.-hat would otherwise have been a glorious success. Everybody seems afraid to do what they want because they think Mr So-and-So won’t want to do such a thing. He thinks only of himself, and so long as he is enjoying himself he does not trouble to consider other people’s wishes. So long as his friends pander to his every wish and humour him in all his doings, he is the most charming of men; but, if anyone attempts to cross his will, then look out for the side of him which shows his early training. A man who is selfish is not one that could be chosen to be a staunch friend. It needs not only a true affection, but a high character to give us the right lo claim friendship with another. If a mother could only look into the future and see the result of the spoiling of her darling hoy, she would take every precaution against it, and teach him that to be unselfish is to he brave. Her harvest would be reaped when she heard on all sides of the courtesy and unselfishness of her son. It is not always —far from it —the son who has received the most spoiling that is kindest and most thoughtful towards his mother. A boy who has been brought up to know that all his wishes cannot be gratified realises, as he grows older how very much he owes to his mother. She has taught him to bear disappointments which must come to all, and to meet trials and troubles with a cheery smile and a determination to set to work with a will to straighten things out again. A man like this becomes a blessing to the mother

who has toiled for him as a baby, as a schoolboy, and until he wa sfitted for life’s struggle himself. Therefore, think of the future when you want to spoil your little son. The selfish baby makes the selfish boy, and the selfish boy makes the selfish man.