SHORT STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 2208, 27 November 1920, Page 1

SHORT STORIES.

A visitor, to Stratford-on-Avon. Shakespeare’s birthplace, whose heart was in belter condition than her head, walked about the town (jnito thrilled with rapture and awe. When she reached the railway station where her train had not yet arrived, her enthusiasm was not abated, and she looked about her with brimming eyes. “Ah,” she said, “I think this place affects me more than all. Here Shakespeare must have come to take the train to London.” A certain man named Isaac Israel returned after live years’ money-making a multi-millionaire. Isaac invited his friend Hubenstein to visit his mansion in Park Lane, and a little lime afterwards (he latter was expatiating to other Hebrew friends upon (he glories of Isaac’s establishment —the marble walls, the Turkey carpets, the gold plate, etc. “And, my poy,” he said, “he's got a mint of money. V by, he’s got a Rubens,-a Van Dyck, and a Landseer.” “Extravagant bounder!” said one listener. “Vat does he vant three cars far?” The words “respectively” and “severally” are often heard in a church when a number of banns of marriage have to he proclaimed. A clergyman who had been recently ordained once read the service in a church where he was not known, and had to pul up with two or three bann>, and he did not use either of: the above-mentioned words. After the service was over the clerk said to him, "Excuse me, sir, but i saw you was new to the business.” “How did you find that out/” asked the clergyman, “what was it?" “It was the word ‘respectably,” answered the man. "Our rector always says as the couples i- to be respectably joined together in holy matrimony, and when you leave it out it looks as il it wasu 1 going to be a respectable wedding. The sailor was on shore-leave in London, and happy because he was with his sweelhearl. Hut his joy was dimmed because she would not let him kiss her in the street. Life (Mik a new turn when he saw a man kiss his wife farewell at King’s Cross. lie rushed his girl toward a crowd hurrying toward the Edinburgh (express and bade her a fond farewell. When the crowd thinned they joined a, throng for Skegness and repeated Ihe act. They repealed it again before the Pcltrhorough train. This was 100 much for a porter who had been watching. lie stepped up to the sailor. “Look here,” he said, "why don t von go down (hose steps and try the underground? The (rains there arc leaving alt the time.”

A man-servant who wa> now to his job had been instate tod by his mistress to bring everything into the drawing room on a salver. A visitor ealled one day with a large and rather ferocious-looking dog, which was left outside. When the visitor was about to go, however, his hostess wished to see the dog, so she rang the bell and told the man to bring him in. Some minutes passed, but he did not appear. But suddenly (ho sound of angry growls, snarls, and barks was heard, so the bell was rung again, and the man entered, carrying the salver, but with a hade of distress on his face. ‘'Pardon me, madam,’ ho said, with a deferential cough, “but I could not irnlooee the hanimal to sit on the salver. 'E knocked me down three times, and bit my calves something cruel. If the gentleman wants hm, Vs still outside.

GENERAL NEWS ITEMS. A jury of children sat recently at Paris to decide which of nil the new toys, on view at the Coneotii's Lupine, wu> the most amusing. Attached to their decision was a prize of £4O for the inventor of the toy preferred by a majority of the little ones. Alleging that their school had not been cleaned for weeks, 400 children in a Llanelly, Carmarthenshire, rural school, declined to attend. They formed up in front of the building, and marched through the village. The children declare that they will remain away until the building has been thoroughly scrubbed out and made tit, and many of the parents .support them in this. Pyjamas, unpopular hitherto with many women, have leaped into bedroom fashion in Paris, because “Mistinguett,” the revue actress, recently gave a dinner at which she k delighted her guests by wearing

these garments. It should he explained that they were no ordinary pyjamas.' The jacket was richly trimmed with a cascade of lace, and the trousers were so baggy and bellbottomed as to rival a skirt in appearance.