SHORT STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 2204, 18 November 1920, Page 4

SHORT STORIES.

Ah amusing story used to be told regarding a certain popular admiral in the American Navy. He was visiting the Brooklyn Navy Yard one day when a despatch was handed to him. His eyes were giving him trouble just at that time, and when lie fumbled for his eye-glasses he found that he had mislaid them. He .held the paper close up to his eyes, and then some distance away, hut he couldn’t read it either way. He turned to an Irish orderly who was standing near. “Read this for me, my man,” he said. The man shook his head. “Oi can’t,” he replied; “Oi’m as ignorant as yourself, sorr."

The happy couple were on their way to Scotland. They had to change trains at Carlisle, and an obliging porter, while struggling with their luggage, made mental note of the fact that the young woman’s hair was doited with rice, Presently he approached the young man, and, pulling a fdhled paper from his pocket, said: . “Here’s a present for you, sir, with the company’s compliments.”

“Indeed!” said the traveller “What is it?”

“A railway map, sir.” “Oh, thank you; and what are these marks in blue pencil?'' . “There's the beauty of it, sir,’-' said the smiling porter; “those marks show just where the tunnels are, and their length.” That porter knew a thing or'two. Although it was raining hard, the

shabby-looking man still maintained his position by the butcher’s cart wheel. When the butcher,returned from delivering bis goods the beggar was still in the same position, one hand resting on the cart wheel. “What do you want?” inquired the butcher.

The man made no reply, but wearily raised his hand, disclosing a match.

“What are yon going • to do?” asked the butcher, now slightly alarmed.

The man yawned, pulled himself together with a supreme effort- and spoke. “It’s all right,” he drawled. “I’m only holding my match to your wheel so. that when you start it will light.”

The reporter was sent out by a certain city editor to question a well-known young amateur sportsman who was being sued for divorce.

The reporter came in a couple of hours later and said, “I can’t get anything out of this fellow. He’s a big chap, and when I rang the bell and asked him how about this divorce action he just reached out and hit me on the jaw and knocked me down. Then he slammed (lie door. 1 wailed around awhile and brushed myself up. and then I tried it again. He came out and said, “Oh, you’re here again, arc yoy?” and he took me by the collar and threw m(> down a Might of stairs. So I guess there’s nothing doing on getting anything out of him. 111 give it it]).”

“No,” said the city editor. “You goaind toll that big loafer be can t. intimidate me.”