SHORT STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 2176, 14 September 1920, Page 4

SHORT STORIES.

“It would appear that womanV mission on earth is to annoy shopkeepers,I'’ 1 '’ remarked a provision merchant. “How do yon make that out? 11 asked his friend. “Well, yesterday a woman called here and askejl to sample some cheese. She tasted no fewer than live different brands, and then said ,she’d take a quarter of a pound." “And did yon supply her? 11 “I simply said; ‘My good woman, you’ve got (hat already." and attended to the other customers. 1 don’t think she’ll annoy me again." A hank manager'tells this amusing story as (o how a client opened an account. A lady called on him and expressed a wish to become a customer of I he bank. “Certainly, madam," was (he manager's reply. The usual preliminaries look place, ‘BVltal will yon start the account with?" asked the manager. “Oh, I don’t wan! to pay in any- ■= thing at present 1 want an overdraft." Tin* astonished manager said. “How much To which the lady replied, "Two hundred pounds would do." And as references were satisfactory, (he account was actually opened thus. A certain popular clergyman was in the habit of repealing his sentences several times over to enable the congregation thoroughly to grasp their meaning. On one ncea-ioii. while preaching in a very poor district, he came to the following words" Who. was dohn the Baplist?’’ He brought them out very slowly and distinctly, and then repeated them. He then paused, and after glancing slowly round the church, once more repealed the words, “Who was .Joint the Baptist?” To.llls surprise, a very seedyiooking individual at the ha id; of the church shuffled to his feel, and remarked with a smile: "Book Imre, guv-nor, ! know there’s a catch somewhere, hit' come on. who was he?" A certain hanker in an American town was very bald, and was in tin 1 habit of wearing' his hat in the hank during bu.-ines- hours. Every week a. negro employee of the hank presented a eheque and drew his wages. One day, as he was putting the money in a worn and greasy wallet, the .banker chanc'd to pass by, and asked, "Look her'', -bdin, why don't you let some of that money slay in I lie bank and keep an account with ns ?" “Well, salt," replied the negro, leaning towards the banker a,ml gazing curiously at the Panama hat lit* won l , "I’se always a tea red. Yon see, sab, you look like you wa- always read)' to start somewheres." The uig'ht was being made liidemiby the howling of a dog. and the strolling police officer paused to speak - to the citizen who. -landing at. Ids gate, was evidently listening to tin* canine rack'd. “Awful noise!" the oHieer observed. “Pierce!’’ the citizen agreed. “Want to make a complaint !" the officer suggested zealously, “Why — er —not until 1 am sure," the citizen responded. “Sure of what "Why - wind her I !mt is my dog or Brown’s. If it is my dog—oh. well, we laue io pul up with a. few little annoyances in this life, yon know; but if it is Brown’s, why by George, I don’t propose to have my life made miserable by a nuisance like I bat.” A eerlain manufacturer, wellknown for his temperance principles and for the extremely capable manner in which he conducts his extensive business, once admitted to an intimate fre'iid lhai ."Wine had its uses." The la I ter. knowing so well the great manufaeturer’s reputed dislike of the "cup that cheers,” was greatly surprised. “Oh, wine does help you to get Uirough work,” went on the manufacturer. “For instance, 1 often have about twenty letters to answer after dinner, and a pint of rhampagne is a great help." “Indeed,” replied ids friend, more, surprised Ilian ever, “does a pint of champagne help you to answer twenty letters?” “No, no,” answered the other, with a smile, “but on the rare occasions when I’ve had a pint of champagne I don’t care twopence whether I answer them or not." A certain member of the British House of Commons was walking along Westmin.-ter Bridge Road when he perceived, just ahead of him, an aequnintanee, whose handkerchief was sticking' half out of his pocket. Seized with a brilliant idea, he quiekened his pace, and, stepping up just behind Ids friend, withdrew Jho handkerchief altogether, without the owner being in the least aware of what bad taken (dace. He was just about to address him and call his attention to what he had done, when he felt a tap on his arm, and, half-turning, confronted a quiet, gentlemanly-looking man, who returned to the ABB. ids »wn purse, handkerchief, and a hunch of keys, at the same time saying: “1 beg your pardon; 1 didn’t know vou were one of us!”