SHORT STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 2150, 15 July 1920, Page 4

SHORT STORIES.

The Browns (father and daughter) had been doing Italy. On returning home, Brown was asked if they had visited Venice in the course of their travels.

“I say, Mary/'- he asked his daughter, “did we go to Venice?’-' “Why, no, dad; don't you remember? We got to the station, but there Avas a hood on, so Ave didn’t get out.”

Little Tommy: “Father, may I have that big reference book a little Avhile?” Proud Father: “Of course you can, my boy, your thoughts are turning to higher things, 1 see.” Little Tommy: “Yes, father.” Tommy’s Mother (to herself two hours later) : “Humph! more of that jam gone. I can’t understand lioav that boy can reach it.”

At a very .successful jumble sale recently held in connection Avith a certain church, a local magnate was present. Immediately on his arrival he Avas called upon to assist in propping up a stall Avhich shoAved imminent signs of collapse. So, placing his shining tall hat on an adjacent stall, lie hurried to the rescue. The work having been accomplished, he returned to the stall Avhere he left his hat; but no hat could be found. “Oh, dear me!” said the young lady in charge, “was that you hat, sir? I have sold it for fourpence!”

A rag and bone merchant avus returning after a prosperous day, Avhen he avus hailed by a Avoman Ua ting on the top floor of a very high building. After much deliberation as to Avhether he should leave his loaded bag doAvnstairs or take it up Avith him, he decided on the former, and toiled up numerous (lights of stairs.

When he reached the top, the Avoman said: — “Won’t, you?” “Won’t 1 Avhat?” asked the mer-. chant.

“Why, take Tommy aAvay in your bag if ho is not a good boy?”

Three doctors Avere operating on a man for appendicitis. After the operation avus completed one of the doctors missed a small sponge. The patient Avas re-opened, the sponge found AA'ithin, and the man soavia up again. Immediately the second doctor missed a needle. Again the patient Avas opened and closed. Then the third doctor missed a pair of scissors.

“Gentleraen,” said the victim, as they Avere about to operate again; “for heaven’s sake, if you’re going to keep this up, put buttons on me!”

Mrs Gordon had recently moved into the neighbourhood. “I thought I would corny and fell you that your James has been lighting with my Edward," said one of the neighbours, one morning, as she called at Mrs Gordon’s door, “and settle the matter if I could.”

“Well, for my part,” responded Mrs Gordon, haughtily, “I have no time to enter into discussion about the children’s quarrels. I consider myself above such trilling things.” “I'm delighted to hear it,” was the reply. “I’ll send James over on a stretcher in an hour or two.”

A Dutch pastor makes it a point to welcome any strangers cordially, and one evening alter the completion of the service, he hurried, down the aisle to station himself at the door. A SAvedish girl was one of the strangers in the congregation. She is employed as a domestic at one of the fashionable homes, and (he minister, noticing that she Avas a stranger, stretched nut his hand. ” He welcomed her to the church and expressed the hope that she would be a regular attendant. Finally he said that if she would be at home some evening during the Aveek he Avould call.

“Tank you,” she murmured bashfully, “but Ay have a fella.”

“How’s that?” cried the bowler. Farmer Eairmeasurc looked disgustedly at his llanneled leg and then at the wicket. Even he had to admit that it was a clear case of I.b.AV.

Yet the youthful'umpire, to the astonishment of all, piped, “Not out!”

“Well, Well!” exclaimed the jolly farmer. “If that isn’t the luckiest let-off I’ve ever had !”

He hit a couple of hefty boundaries. Then the offending leg again obtruded belween the ball and the stumps. Tin’s lime, surely, he aaus as out as a ueAvly-hatched chicken.

But the youthful umpire again hesitated. He glanced toAvards the wall which separated the field from the farmer’s orchard just as a head popped above it. Then a juvenile voice rang across the intervening

space. “You can gWe the old man out now, Dick,” it cried. “We’ve -got all the apples Ave can carry!”