ODDS AND ENDS.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 2143, 24 June 1920, Page 4

ODDS AND ENDS.

“They say a woman cannot keep a secret.” “That’s why I believe in having women in politic's. I’m in favour of pitiless publicity.” “Well,” he muttered, butting bis head on a landing as he fell down the lift opening, “as Mr Kipling would say: ‘That is another story. Jack: “By the way, old man, how about that cure for partial baldness vou tried? Did it work?’ Mac: “You bet! I’m completely ' bald now.” Restaurant Waitress (to Professor of Languages): “Did you say ‘puddin,’ sir?” Customer: “Xo, my dear lady, I didn’t—ami I never shall!” Sympathetic Friend: “ Banged your finger? Dear me, I always think that hurting one’s finger sets one’s teeth on edge ail down one’s back!” Countrywoman, to the vicar who lias accepted another living: “We be mightv sorry to lose you, sir; we did hope you would have died amopg ns.” Daughter: “Oh, father, how grand it is to be alive! The world is too good for anything. Why isn’t everyone happy?” Father; “\Mn> is he this time?” She: “I hope dear, the ring you just gave me isn’t a cheap imita:ion.” He: “Xo, darling, it’s the most expensive Imitation I could find.” The Rector: “Freddy, do you know where little boys go who fish on the Sabbath day?” Freddy: "Yes, sir; follow me and I’ll show von the place.” “Tell me,” said the solicitor for Iho prosecution, “were you present at: the inception of the altercation?” “Xo sir,” replied the witness, “hut 1 was there when the fight started. Huh: “My dear, isn’t I hat dress a extreme?” Wife: “This dress, darling? Why, 1 put, this on merely that you may become accustomed to the one I am having made.”

One of the Xow Rich, (thus runs he unkind story) Look a friend over iis grand new house, exhibiting ivith pride its fine design and costly tlcnishing. One apartment alter mother was displayed, with furniure, carpets, and pictures that vould not have disgraced a palace ir a music-hall, and the proprietor pointed out with especial pride the magnificent views commanded by ho principal windows. Presently they came to a smallish shabby room, looking over the garage, that until recently had been I stable. “And what is this? ’ inquired the friend. “Oh,” said his host, “well, this is where we mostly live.” Certainly the limes had hern dilticult for a certain provincial railway, and the passengers had borne it all meekly. As the months passed, however, and there wore no signs ot improvement, the worm began to turn. One day a commercial traveller descended from a train at a small station. The Iraki was only an hour and three-quarters late. “I notice your service has improved very much lately,” said the traveller lo the statioiiutaslcv. “Can’t say I’ve seen it,” snapped the official, suspiciously. “Oil, you must have!” the traveller spoke solemnly. “Why, the engines can whistly without stopping now!”