SHORT STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLII, Issue 2141, 17 June 1920, Page 1

SHORT STORIES.

His last hour had come —or, at least, he thought so. Painfully, the supposed dying man opened his eyes, and turned to the lawyer standing by his bedside. “I wish again to explain to you,” he gasped feebly, “about the willing of ray property.” The man. of law laid his hand reassuringly on his client’s shoulder. “There", there!” he said. “That will be all right. You leave it to me.” “Yes, T suppose that’s the best thing to do,” he murmured: “you’ll get it, anyway.” A well-known theatrical producer in New York, who had been undergoing many severe lectures from his wife on account of frequent absences from dinner, came to his office wearing a very unhappy look. Several of his friends, knowing the cause, began to chide him. “Clot everything squared, Harry'?’’ one of them inquired. “How’s everything up at the house?” “Say,” said the theatrical man, “that wife .of mine announced to me last night that she had decided to divide the house.” “Yes?” “Yes, and she did. She’s given me the outside.” In cross-examination it is always well to be sure of your facts before you dig too dee]), as- the following case proves. A lawyer was grilling the respondent in a divorce case. “Is it true that you are supporting another woman?” he asked. “It is ,” replied the “And she lives in the same house, does she not?” , “Yes.” “And you were never married to her?” “No, sir.” “That will he all.” “Just a moment,” broke in (he num's attorney. “Who was this woman?” “My mother,” eaimly replied the respondent.

Early on Monday a smartlydressed woman entered the big drapers. “I am sending back those coals yon let me have during the sale.” she told the manager blandly. find that none of • them really fit me.” , Then, wit!) a gracious smile she sailed out of the [dace. But she didn’t smile so broadly that night, when she received a little parcel and a. letter, which read; — “Madam, we are returning the pair of gloves and the handkerchief which you inadvertently left in the pocket of one of our coals which didn't .fit,” The teacher gazed sorrowfully at the small hoy who stood in front of her, for notwithstanding he was her favourite pupil, lie was convicted of the heinous charge of a theft of toffee from one of his schoolfellows. As it was his first offence, however, she did not desire to inflict corpora. l —a moral lecture she thought would til the case. “Bear in mind, Bobbie,” she concluded, “that these temptations can he resisted if detorminatnon is used. Always (urn a deaf ear to temptation’.” The child gazed solemnly at her. “But, teacher,” lie exclaimed. “I ain’t got a deaf oar.”

.An American actor used to tel! of an amusing incident that occurred in the course of a performance hy a company with which he was at one time connected. He had been understudying for the leading man, and it was his duty at a certain time to lift up the fainting heroine and convey her to the wings. At that time the actor in question was very slight and anything but strong, so when it was taken into consideration that the leading lady weighed nearly 200 lb. the task assigned him was no easy one. On« evening, after sundry attempts to accomplish this “business” assigned him,, which he had little hopes of doing, the strain was broken by the hearty laughter of the audience, for from the gallery a shrill voice had shouted.

“For heaven’s sake, man, take what you can, and come back for the rest.”

Thin, angular and splnsterish, Miss Miggs strode through the streets of the little village rounding up the housewives to come to tonight’s meeting of the “Helpful'Society,” on “How Husbands Should be Treated.” The little hall was fairly full by eight p.m., when Miss Miggs, with her select committee of old maids, pranced on to the platform, and began her oration. ' Hot much inspiration was to be gained from the audience. " A little human touch is what is

needed, thought Miss Miggs to herself, -to enliven the proceedings.

Putting on her best imitation of a smile she advanced to the front of the platform. “So many of yog, women,” she started, “are not sympathetic enough with your husbands. Now,” she simpeffid, “if I had a husband and he came home —er —late, I should not rave at him, but simply go and hiss him!” “Ami serve the brute right!” yelled a retreating form at the back of the hall.