CHRISTMAS SHORT STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLI, Issue 2071, 23 December 1919, Page 1

CHRISTMAS SHORT STORIES.

“THE OLD BUFFER.” An amusing story is told in regard to an occasion when Bishop Boyd Carpenter was to officiate at a fashionable West End wedding. As usual, a great crowd of people stood outside the church doors. Magnificent carriages and motor cars rushed up with the splendidlydressed guests, and at the end of a long string of fine equipages came a ramshackle old four-wheeler. A couple of policemen dashed at the cabby. “Here; hi!” they shouted, “you can’t stop here; the bishop’s just coming.” “Keep your ’air on,” retorted cabby; “I’ve got the old buffer inside.” And Bishop BoydCarpenter opened the door and stepped out! WANTED TO SEE THE BABY. Father had been very ill, and little Billy was very concerned about him. He obtained permission from his mother to go upstairs and see him, provided that if father wore asJcep he should make no noise nor wake him. When ho got into the bed- ; in he found his parent asleep, and so he sat himself quietly down by the side of the bed. After a wait of about two hours, father awoke, and the following conversation ensued:—“Well, my son, what are you doing up here/?” “Come to see you, daddy.” “That’s nice of you, my son.” “Er —daddy, I haven’t made a muse, have I?” “No, my boy.” “And I didn’t wake you up, did I, daddy?” “No, sonny.” “And I have been good, haven’t I?” “Yes, you have —very good.” “Well, then, daddy, can I see the baby?” SOME CHRISTMAS BOX. “Talking about Christmas boxes,” remarked a commercial traveller, “the one I got last year would be hard to boat. Our guv’nor never gave us a Christmas box; so you can imagine how surprised we were when he told us all to go into his office, where he sat with a pile of envelopes in his hand. “ ‘Gentlemen,’ he said, ‘I intend to give each of you a Christmas present this year. These envelopes contain something valuable, which I hope you will make good use of,’ “Of course, we thanked him, and marched out, thinking that he was a good sort, after all. “And what do you think was in the envelopes ? A cheque? “No! It was a confounded proscription for thy cure of indigestion!” CONTEMPT OF COURT. In a rural court the old squire had made a ruling so unfair that three young lawyers at once protested against such a miscarriage of justice. The squire immediately fined each of the lawyers £1 for contempt of court. There was silence, and then an older lawyer walked slowly to the front of the room, and deposited £2 with the clerk. He then addressed the judge as follows; —“Your Honour, I wish to state that I have twice as much contempt for this court as any man in the room.” THE DEAR DEPARTED. Availing herself of her ecclesiastical privileges, the clergyman’s wife asked .questions which, coming from anybody else, would have been thought impertinent. “I presume you carry a memento of some kind in that locket you wear?” she said. “It is a lock of my husband’s hair.” “But your husband is still alive,” the lady exclaimed. “Yes, ma’am, but his hair is gone.” A PERFECT CHRISTENING. The late Rev. Canon Rhodes Bristowe had a large and varied experience of life in the underworld of London. A very favourite story of his was in connection with a christening at which the infant, contrary to the canon’s usual experience, was as quiet as a lamb. Instead of yelling when it felt the water, it smiled cheerfully in the canon’s face. “Madam,” he remarked later to the infant’s mother, “I must congratulate you on the little one’s behaviour. I have never before christened a child that has behaved so well as yours.”, “Well, you see, sir,” was the unexpected reply, “ ’is father an’ me ’avc been practisin’ oh ’im with a pail of water for the last week,”

PETEK REBELS, Peter was very interested in his mother’s cooking. He stood now gazing on the finishing touches she was making to his own special cake before consigning it to the oven. “There, Peter,” she paid, giving it a final pat. “There’s a lovely cake for you.” “Can I eat it all myself?” asked Peter, solemnly. “Why, of course not, child! You would make yourself sick.” “That’s just the way with you!” Peter retorted bitterly. “Whenever you do give me anything nice, you always tie a string to it!” For Chronic Chest Complaints s Woods’ Great Peppermint Cure.