WITTIEST AMERICAN SPEAKER.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XLI, Issue 2048, 30 October 1919, Page 4

WITTIEST AMERICAN SPEAKER.

At. a luncheon given at (lie Savoy Hotel, Lomlon, on (Uli .Jnne, to Lieutenant-Commander Rend and Commandin' Towers, of the Lnited Stales Navy, the aviators' who' crossed the Atlantic, via the Azores, landing at Lisbon, a special was delivered by Mr Patrick Francis Murphy, described by the Daily Telegraph as one of the wittiest of American speakers. After Lieut -Commander Read had proposed “The English-speaking Race —the Best Race on the Face of the Earth,” Air Murphy said news nowadays was so extraordinary that we had lost the capacity for surprise. The most unusual things had become usual. Why, even the sacred places in Scripture were treated with light familiarity. They had read of Australian soldiers bathing and disporting themselves in the Sea of Galilee, The British Army went into Mesopotamia, and British Tommies were strolling in the Garden of Eden, never giving-a thought to that unfortunate affair of the apple. (Laughter.) “Germany has not gained half of Europe by murder and robbery,” said Air Murphy. “Having exhausted herself,-! hen, with tears in her eyes, she asked for the cessation of hostilities, on the ground of humanity — (laughter) —and the world said, ‘Exhausted cruelty is not humanity,'' It is the psychological slate ofwnind of the celebrated criminal who, having murdered his father and mother, asked llii! clemency of the Court on tire ground that lie was an orphan.” -(Laughter.)

The two English-speaking notions (proceeded Mr Murphy) were confronted with the-hostilities of pence. Things did not seem to ; he going along. (“Laughter and cheers.). “In America,’' he continued, “we have the ashes of the Monroe |)octrine, and Great Bril nip has the Emerald Isle. (Laughter.) On our borders we have Mexico, that wonderful country where every now and then peace breaks out. (Laughter.) Now, if Great Britain would only take over Mexico, we could do very well with Ireland —(laughter and cheers)—for many of our largest cities are -already accustomed to Hibernian Home Rule, “Every, one of us wishes to make I,hc best arrangements of bis life. In bis youth he is confronted with two alternatives —matrimony and

celibacy.- He learns that matrimony has its thorns and celibacy has- no roses. (Laughter.). Bo the question is whether it is better to he inconvenienced one way or another. But he .finds''as he goes through life that matrimony is the more popular, for it is with matrimony as it is with good mustard—people praise it with tears in their eyes v (Laughter.) “Some very improper person has advanced a theory that 'people are either young and innocent or old and virtuous. (Laughter.) So that proves'that there are three periods of life. The-lirst is when wo are very young, and we think of the indiscreet things we are able to do — that is the ago of innocence. The second is when we are older, and we are able to do the things we thought of when we wore young. The third is when we are very old, and we are looking hack on the things that we were able to do when younger, and regret our inability to recommence (hem. That is the age of virtue (Laughter.) It is said that virtue, like- the owl, dwells in ruins. It is about that period that old men give young men good advice, when they are no longer able to set a had example.” (Laughter.) In an allusion to Prohibition, Mr Murphy said Iho Scriptural in.ffinction was that “Alan cannot live by bread alone” —he would die of thirst. There were many public men f m America who did not care for liquor, so they took it away Jroiu those who did. “Morality is the attitude wo sonic (inn’s assume towards the unattractive. It is easy to resist temptation when it is offered by the wrong person or at an inconvenient time (Laughter.) Liquor has more enemies in public and mure friends in private Ilian anything else. A A riters claim that it stimulates the imagination. It that is true and liquor is banned, that will be a great blow to women, for i; is noticed that the women’s best asset is a man’s imagination.’’ (Laughter.)