SHORT STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XL, Issue 1916, 17 December 1918, Page 4

SHORT STORIES.

TOO LATE,

The bashful man. after courting the girl for twelve months, hai at last screwed up sufficient courage to propose by letter. Immediately his note was .posted he regretted his rashness, and telegraphed in haste to the young lady: “Posted wrong letter Ip you. Please return unopened immediately.”

But it didn’t work. Two hours later he received a reply:—

“No, no, you posted right letter It was about time, too.”

NO POLICE

Mike was home wounded from the front, and he was slopped by a friend one day as he was hobbling down the street on Ins newly-ac-quired crutches. “And how did yon get on in the big battle?” asked the friend, gazing with compassion on the gallant soldier's useless limb.

“Sure, Oi bad the toime of me loife,” replied Alike, decidedly. “But you got very badly knocked about," retorted the other. “Yes, Oi know- that,” cried Mike, enthusiastically, “but, begorra, it was the first light 1 wa* ever in that the police didn't stop.' - ’ A TOTAL COLLAPSE. Colonel ..(after hearing sergeant’s evidence) : “Well, Private Jones, what have you got to say?” Jones: “Well, sir, the sergeant has got me taped.” Colonel: “Now Private Junes, 1 don't want any slang terms here. You understand me?” Jones: “Yes, -sir.” Colonel: Now, what's your excuse ?”

Jones: “Well, sir, this sergeant lias me spotted.” CohmeL “Hang it, seigeant, what the deuce does this mean?”

Sergeant: “Well, sir, the man means (o say Unit I have got him waxed.”

Collapse of C.O,

third horse 20 sows, from the stakes. Minimum weight, Tst. 111 b. Nomination 20s, acceptance 50s. To - start at 5 p.m. Distance, 7 furlongs.

NOMINATIONS, WEIGHTS AND

ACCEPTANCES,

NOMINATIONS Tor all events (including Maiden Hack) close Saturday, January 4th, 1919, at 8 p.m. WEIGHTS will bo declared bn or about January Dili. ACCEPTANCES close on Wednesday, January loth, 1919, at 8 p.m. RULES AND REGULATIONS. All entries MUST be sealed and addressed to the Secretary, Box 13, Eoxton, with the name and age at the time of entry, name of owner, pedigree, and the registered colours of The owner. Entries by telegram MUST lie confirmed dn writing by the NEXT MAIL. ; All Colours must he registered, or a fine of 1 sov. will be imposed for every start. All Races to be run under the Rules of Racing as adopted by the Racing Conference of New Zealand. The Committee reserve the right to alter the daJe or lime for (he declaration of nominations, weights, or acceptances, as they may think (it. ’When nominating, the NAME and ADDRESS of the Trainer MUST he given; also the NAME or ASSUMED NAME of the Owner, with his ADDRESS.

NO HORSE WILL BE WEIGHED OUT FOR ANY RACE WHOSE ENTRY FEES ARE UNPAID.

PENALTIES

FLAT FACTS.—The winner of any Hal race after the declaration of weights |o carry a penalty of Klil)., and of any additional race a further penally of 71b. (excepting that (he winner of any Hack Face shall carry a penally of 711)., and of any additional Hack Face a further penalty of 5Jh., in any Open Face). Horses handicapped at Sst. 1011). or over to carry half of the above penalties, 'file winner of any Hurdle Face after the declaration of weights to carry a penalty of 10' Ih. in the Hurdle Face, and of any additional Hurdle Face, a further penally of 71h., or, if the Handicapper deems it lit, he may increase the penalties. ENHELL WANKLYX. Secrelarv.

Approved in accordance with- the Fules of Facing, (his Blh day of November., 1018. —Wm. HALL, Secretary Wanganui Jockey Club.