SHORT STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XL, Issue 1916, 17 December 1918, Page 1

SHORT STORIES.

NO SUCH PERSON,

Colonel (to orderly): “You blithering’ idiot! Inst end of addressing this letter to ‘The Intelligence Officer/ you’ve written ‘lntelligent Officer.’ There’s no such person in the army!”

WORN OUT

Mistress: “I am at a loss to understand your motives in leaving.” Bridget: “The work is too hard, mum; and it’s worn out 1 am, entirely.”

Mistress: “Why, I have done most of it mvself.”

Bridget: “Yes, but it’s worn out I be hearing you tell me of it.”

CHANGE PLACES

Doctor: “And you say, sir, yon are a follower of Christian Science?’’

Christian Scientist: “I am, sir

Doctor; “And that doctors arc

unnecessary?" Christian Scientist; “Exactly.” Doctor: “Well, change place:I'm sitting in a deadly draught.”

THE TIMID REPLY

Timothy, a raw Welsh recruit, scarcely understood a word of English, and caused much annoyance to his sergeant during instruction in drill.

“Where’s your front, man?” cried the sergeant.

“In the laundry, sir,” was the timid reply.

THE OBJECT

Teacher (at object lesson): “So now, children, yon know how a knife is made. I want you, Marjorie, to tell mo whieh is the most important part of a knife.” Marjorie: “Er—er —or —”

Teaeher: “Well, I'll help you. What part of his knife does your lather use the most ?■"

Marjorie: “The corkscrew.”

A WISH,

A soldier fool he Her in Ihe trenches was complaining (hat lie had not had a change of underclothing for many weeks, and consequently his liands were kepi busy. He asked Ids pal if it was true that (he Kaiser had a withered arm. ‘•Quite right, old sport,” was the reply. “Well, I wish to goodness that he’d both arms withered, and had my shirt on!” HIS MEDICINE. Doctor: “Your husband, madam, is suffering from nervous prostration.” Anxious wife: “Yes, sir.” Doctor: “And he needs something to quieten him. What is his business?” Anxious Wife: “He is a policeman, sir.” Doctor“Weil, slip a shilling into his hand when he isn’t looking, every two hours during the night, and I’ll call again in the morning. Good dav!”

The ex-Tsar's church has been deprived of its roof. The Hessian authorities at Darmstadt have ordered the removal of the Russian chapel in that town. The roof was entirely of copper, and was requisitioned for army needs. The chapel was the private property of the ex-Tsar. The requisition has taken place at the special request of the Grand Duke of Hesse, the ex-Tsar’s hrollier-iu-law.