SHORT WAR STORIES.

Manawatu Herald, Volume XL, Issue 1899, 5 November 1918, Page 4

SHORT WAR STORIES.

THE PROMISED LAND. A chaplain recently returned from Egypt and Palestine, said that a suldier said to him: “Is tins the Promised Land? Well. I don't know Vv’hom they promised it to, but I don’t want it.’’ GRADED. Bill Smart was called up for medical examination. His wile wailed anxiously for him to return to hear the result. When she saw her husband coming, she ran out to him. “What's the verdict. Bill.'” she shouted; “C 3?” “C 3 bellowed! Why no, hiss; it’s C Fritz.’ A PAIR EXCHANGE. While drilling a squad of Tyneside recruits the sergeant-instruc-tor, who happened to he very bald, howled out roughly to a roundshouldered recruit to look smart and straighten himself up, adding: “What'll you give me, Geordie, if I remove that hump from your back.”’ The recruit answered with alacrity: “Week sor, AaTl give ye a recipe to restore yor hair.’ EXTRAVAGANT. ' One of Admiral Sim's hoys was rooming lor the night in a “V’ dormitorv not far from the Strand. Haif-a-dozcn beds tiymi him a Yank lighting man, on leave, was disturbing some and sundry slumbers by recounting his deeds. I. he American was restless. He had hired the cot to sleep, not to listen. "Look a-here, you hunk o’ cheese,” he said, “if there happened to he a street-car line between mv bed and yours I’d ride over and buy the war from yon.” NOT ENOUGH. An American who has I ought in the Canadian, rainy fur four yearsends the following addition to the “Sambo'’ stories that have appeared at various times; — A circle of 1 ucle Sam s coloured troops were discussing the death of one of their number, who “went west" after going over the lop. “Look here, niggahs,” said one, the wiseacre, “dal conn was lulled. IV der were ten many I hinnies.” Another coloured gentleman, with superior knowledge, eorreeled him. “Her am no such thing as too many Jimmies. Our frien’ died o’ broken heart, Co’ der were not enough !”

NO ACCIDENT THAT!

JR mud the camp Hrc —to put it poetically — a lot of soldiers avciv discussing hairbreadth escapes and adven!arcs theyd had. Guo alter niv,ilhcr they related laics true and otherwise, till il came to the (urn of a men who'd tra\'elled all OA’er (he world. Everyone wailed breathlessly for his yarn, hut he said he’d nothing to tell. “Have yen never had an accident (lionised his pals. ‘Accident? No!” “Never had an accident in your life?” “No. RaJtier bit me once.” “Don't you call that an accident?” “Thunder, no! ,The thing hit me 01A purpose!” said thel: raveller, laughing. THE SCOTTIE AND HIS LOAD. A member of the South African Scottish Regiment had been trudging manv a weary mile, with tall pack, rillc, steel helmet, elm, in order to rejoin his mill. Gn the way he wa> accosted by a soldier of one of ibe .Imperial rcgimenls, who carefully scrutinised his cap-badge. "He, Jock," (ptolh be, “I can read l,he upper pari of (lie badge (meaning llic “I nion is Strength’' portion of if), “bul what does the hd below mean?” He referred to “endnull maakt maeht.” “Gch," said the Scot tin, wearily, “that means ‘load not to exceed three tons.’" (Of course, the lower reading of the badge is simply the Dutch equivalent of IHe upper English portion).